How to Get the Life You Want
No matter what your age or life situation, you can get the life you want and I’m going to share how you can do this.
Before you get the life you want, you must recognize the blocks in your way and understand how to get past them. It is so important to recognize that there are blocks AND that you can remove most of them.
June 2021 Update: I wrote this about four years ago and a lot has changed for me since then! My blog has reached and helped over a million women in the past couple of years. I now work full time as a blogger and Life and Weight Loss coach. Getting a life you want IS NOT impossible.
That is great news my friends!
Then you can choose goals based on your own values and can build the life you truly want.
The life YOU want is not out of reach though it may often feel that way. The problem is that most people mistake what it is that they really want and look to the wrong things to satisfy the craving they feel.
Below I will share blocks to and must-have strategies to get the life you want.
What Most People Do Instead of Going for a Life they Want
There are days when I wonder if anyone is living a life they want. When I look around pretty much anywhere, I see people hurrying through life, preoccupied or with eyes glued to their phone.
I know from thousands of conversations that most people are not living the life they want. Somehow, through circumstances and choices they end up living a life that just doesn’t feel quite right.
Instead of digging deep and living their life on purpose, most people turn to food, alcohol, shopping, over-working, social media, or some other kind of temporary activity to fill up the gaps or empty feelings.
And none of it ever feels totally right.
The feelings most of us crave are freedom, creative expression, growth, achievement, and connection. These are deeply satisfying types of feelings.
But as always the question is, “How do I get this?”
Living life ON purpose and WITH purpose provides more satisfaction than chasing temporary happiness ever does. I am talking about living life ON purpose—living deliberately—and living a life aligned WITH your values.
To get the life you want, you have to live on purpose. Being on-track and on-purpose leads to a deeply satisfying, full, and productive life.
How to Get the Life You Want
To get the life you want, you have to align your life with your true values rather than what you think your values should be or what other people think they should be.
We all have some kind of internal alert system that lets us know when we are living on purpose and aligned with our values and when we’re not. Typically, when we’re off-track we know we’re off track.
I have never done anything that turns out to be a mistake that I don’t have at least a little feeling that maybe what I’m about to do isn’t such a good idea.
While I am not always thrilled with my seemingly endless ways of going off-purpose; I certainly do learn a lot from these experiences.
Yet when we live our lives aligned with our values and our purpose, we stay on track to get the life we want. You might not even know exactly what it is—but this inner compass will get you there.
I started following, really following my inner compass a few years ago and my life totally began to change.
In the past, I had tried to but I always felt constrained by what I thought others would think. There were parts of my life I absolutely loved but I still felt mostly unhappy for a long long time.
When I started listening the part of me that was saying yes to things I couldn’t believe I was saying yes to things began to change. Instead of hiding who I was, I started writing about it and owning it. Who I was on the outside began to match who I was on the inside.
This past weekend, this quiet introvert, who has always hated exercising or doing pretty much anything in public, went on a weekend getaway with 22 other people and road on a bike ride with about 2,000 people.
And I loved every minute of it! By attempting to live my life aligned with my true desires, I’ve become more connected to others, I have experiences that fill me with joy, I grow and learn every day. Life and the people in it are precious to me as I’ve learned to think the thoughts and take the action to get the life I want.
I’ve put together a list of what I think it takes to get the life you want. First I share a block to getting the life you want and then I share the strategy to deal with the block.
Blocks to Getting the Life You Want
Are you using time as an excuse?
This is probably one of the biggest reasons people begin to doubt they are on-track for a life they want. They take action and then they feel it should not take as long as it is taking.
We often overestimate how quickly we can achieve something and when we don’t do it in that amount of time, we call the experience a failure and give up on it.
We look at others and their timelines and make comparisons that ultimately do us harm. We all do not move at the same speed!
Yet, taking more time does not mean you won’t achieve something and often even something that seems to being going slow will pick up momentum towards the end and propel you to finish or achieve something.
Strategy for dealing with time
Our timing is unique to us. Often, we quit before we have made the shift, where what we are attempting solidifies or takes form. Many things feel like failure…until they don’t anymore. That shift can take place in an instant. Sometimes almost without warning.
It’s so typical for people to give up on something that is going to make a real and profound change in their lives. I see people give up on exercise, education, jobs, projects, blogs, relationships.
Yet, there is power in not giving up on something until it is done. This has taken me a long time to learn but it’s made all the difference.
Even if something is taking longer than you think it should—just stick with it. Go past that point of discomfort and begin to see things through.
Are you blocked because it seems too hard?
Have you ever tried to learn something and then discovered that it was MUCH harder than you had imagined and you quit? I’m totally guilty of that. I tried to learn dancing a couple of years ago. I quit after two lessons.
Recently, I tried to learn some new technology and it was much harder than I thought it would be. I really wanted to give up. But I couldn’t because someone was counting on me to learn it and to be able to provide a service.
I stuck with it and almost magically, after a few weeks, I knew how to use the technology. This encouraged me to try another new thing and the same thing happened.
Strategy for dealing with the difficulty
Now I know, that for me, learning that at first appears difficult or even impossible can often be learned with perseverance and a belief and intent that it can be learned.
Set the intent, that you can and will learn or accomplish what you need to do and that you will stick with it until you do. Take a short break if you need to clear your mind.
I am amazed at the difference that setting the intent to learn something and not quitting until I do, makes. Sometimes something I’ve struggled with for weeks will suddenly become clear very quickly after declaring my commitment to myself.
Are you concerned with what other people think?
We’re social creatures. We care about what people think, like our life depends upon it. And our life did depend upon it when we were kids. Now that we’re grown-ups, we can still feel overly concerned with how others perceive what we’re doing.
Maybe we’ll look silly? Maybe we’ll look dumb?
We all struggle with this. I want to look cool and in control all the time even though I know that’s not even possible.
Not only is it not possible, it’s not even a good thing to try for. Being vulnerable and acting with purpose is where movement and growth happen.
We might stay more comfortable in some ways, but ultimately it is not for our best.
Strategy for dealing with what other people will think
Keep in mind that most people are way less concerned with what you are doing than you think. In addition, most people will take their attitude from you.
If you feel ambivalent, they will pick up on that and reflect that back. If you radiate confidence in yourself, they will reflect that back. Eventually. You ultimately set the tone for how people perceive you.
Are you worried you won’t be accepted?
We belong to many tribes: our families, our friendship circles, our work, our churches, and our communities.
There are times when choosing to live your life according to your own values will move you out of a tribe. This can be your choice and sometimes it is not.
If you have to sidestep your own values to belong to a certain tribe; you have to seriously question whether that tribe is best for you.
On a happier note, sometimes your tribe will surprise you with acceptance.
Strategy to deal with your tribes
The groups we are aligned with can change over time.
Sometimes we outgrow a particular group or tribe. It happens. Accept that for each loss, you will have an expansion into another group that is more aligned with your purpose.
Over the years I have belonged to many tribes and I value the people and time from all these experiences. If you choose pleasing a tribe over following your heart, you will get stuck.
For anything you feel called to explore, there are people out there that share your interest. Find them!
You aren’t sure this will make you happy?
To chase happiness as a 24/7 way of life doesn’t lead to happiness. But living your life with purpose and on purpose leads to a feeling that might just be better than happiness.
However, sometimes living your life aligned with your values and purpose leads to very uncomfortable and very NOT-happy feelings. This can happen especially at the beginning of new ventures and experiences.
There is no guarantee, that if you genuinely believe that you are acting inline with your values and with purpose, that life will turn out all roses and happiness. Yet, I can tell you that there are feelings that are better than that.
Strategy around happiness.
Happiness can be fleeting and attempting to hold too tight to that particular feeling can make it impossible to achieve. Enjoy and savor happy moments for sure. But learn to relish and value the feeling of living on purpose.
Instead of happiness there are so many amazing feelings available:
Finding these types of feelings can really fast-track you to getting the life you want. You can choose feelings on purpose by looking at your thoughts.
Are you hanging on too tight to earlier purposes and values
I believe that our purpose in life evolves over the years. We might have one purpose at 20 and a totally different one at 40. In my twenties I was busy being a mom, a wife, and student.
In my 40’s and early 50’s I was working in higher education. Now in my late 50’s, I have launched a career as a Life and Weight Loss coach.
I have loved all of these purposes and they’ve all been a part of helping me create the life I want NOW. I could have chosen to not try a new path this decade but I would have missed out on an amazing adventure in my life.
Strategy for changing paths
Accept that your purpose and values will change over time. Be willing to explore this at your own speed. You do not need to abandon old purposes all at once and can gradually discover and lean into new ways you want to live on purpose.
It’s easy to say, I don’t know how to change or even that you don’t want to. However, you can also accept that you are changing throughout your whole life and that at different times, you will have different goals and activities.
Do you feel like the only one?
I have beautiful friendships and strong family connections. But for a long time I didn’t know a single person who is living like me with the same kinds of values and purpose.
Many people get hung up on wanting the people in their life to be their support and cheerleaders for what they are trying to do. Yet, it probably isn’t their purpose to be that person for you.
When I announced I was a blogger and later on a Life and Weight Loss coach, no one in my circle of family and friends really understood what I was doing.
That was okay. Eventually, I went on to find women who were on similar paths who provide friendship and support in my journey.
Strategy to find people that support you
I found much of my support and like-minded people online. I joined Facebook groups for bloggers and even created one myself. I made several friends from those groups that are still a part of my life even though I currently don’t participate in blogging groups.
As a life coach, I found friends through my training and also Facebook groups. I’ve participated in workshops, group coaching, and retreats that have helped me find amazing coach friends who really get what I’m trying to do and provide the encouragement and support I want.
I’ve also found friends from the weekly emails I send out. There are women I have connected with through email for years now.
How to Get the Life YOU Want
Start with baby steps and go as slow as you need. Remember that living on-purpose and with purpose is not about knowing what your “Purpose” is. It is about aligning with your values and what is right for you.
We often seriously try to bend and shape ourselves in ways to please other people or our culture in general.
Or we follow outdated ways of living in an attempt to hold onto something that worked for us before. Or we are convinced that there is NO way we could possibly be happy if we choose to do what deep inside, we know is right for us.
Yes, it does take a certain amount of bravery to live your unique and on-purpose life and get the life you want. I’m not going to lie about that.
An on-purpose life can be uncomfortable at times, especially during some of the transitions. The reward is that you get that feeling, that is unlike any other feeling, of living life on-purpose—Your Purpose.
Keep showing up my friends,
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Coach with Sara
Hi, I'm Sara Garska and I'm so happy you're here! My Think Big Life began shortly after I turned 50. Big changes can happen with a small start, an adjustment of thought, or a simple process. Over time, you transform your life into the one you always dreamed of having. As a certified life coach, I can help you create a life you love. Click here to schedule a free 50-minute coaching session.