How to Be Happy with Yourself

When you ask women want they want in life, most will say they want to be “happy.”

But being happy can be challenging when you are chasing the wrong feeling. Here are 10 other emotions that you can feel on purpose that will often will lead to finding happiness along the way!

By now, you’ve probably figured out that being happy is pretty elusive. It comes in the oddest times when you least expect it and sometimes it is totally missing when we assume it should be there.

Or we think things or people will make us happy. Things tend to provide maybe a minute or so of a happy feeling. And people, they are totally unreliable about making us happy.

However, there are better things to want than happiness. And these are actually doable things that you can take action on today.

In my experience, you can’t just create happiness. However, we do want the health benefits of positive emotions and we can improve our mental health and immune system. 

Your happiness is a byproduct of choices you make every day. In fact, if you’re trying to create happiness, often you’ll find yourself frustrated because you can’t make it happen.

When you feel like you should be more happy but you aren’t you’ll feel some tension and lack of inner peace. 

Instead of judgment, I’m going to share 10 emotions that will build your self-confidence and self-worth as you find more self acceptance and compassion. 

I really believe that our own happiness depends on our ability to be our true self and practice lots of self-love. Let’s dig in. 

Why Can’t I Be Happy?

Happiness is an emotion. It’s a feeling. It is a state of being. And it feels wonderful.

The problem with happiness is that we believe that it depends on:

What other people do

Our current situation

Things outside our control

The other thing is that we tend to want to be happy all the time and we aren’t willing to feel negative emotions. Both are important and you won’t feel truly happy unless you can accept that part of the time you’ll feel other things.

But to try and be happy, we often turn to activities such as: eating sweets and treats, watching too much TV, drinking too much, or any other thing that gives you a temporary high.

Trying to be happy all the time can create more feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and less satisfaction with life.

The following list is different. I’m going to share some emotions you have to work for a little. You’ll get solid rewards and most likely feel some true happiness along the way.

Here are some other emotions you can be intentional about. They are like a balanced diet for you mind and spirit. 

Happy people don’t just try to be more happy. They have resilience, a sense of purpose, practice gratitude, and try new experiences.

Overall happiness comes from your inner state, not a perfect set of circumstances.

By being intentional you will:

• Gain more confidence
• Make better choices
• Fulfill your creative destiny
• Create a legacy
• Forge strong connections
• Control your own mind instead of trying to control others

Here’s the thing. When you reach for these feelings, you will often find some happiness along the way as well!

These feelings are feelings that will take you in a direction that you WANT to go. And happiness if often a byproduct of these kinds of feelings.

There are so many feelings you can choose from! I picked these because all of them are doable by anyone. Instead of trying to be happy, try to feel of these and see what happens.

• committed
• determined
• curious
• amazed
• authentic
• balanced
• creative
• present
• thankful
• connected

I like to use these feelings in connection to something I want to do or achieve. Happiness, as lovely as it is, doesn’t usually get me where I want to go.

These kinds of feelings do lead to where I want to go and it’s really helpful to experiment with feeling them on purpose.

Once you have an idea about something you want to do, you ask yourself what you need to feel in order to take that action. This is the feeling you want to cultivate with your thinking!

How to Be Happy with Yourself and Life in General

Be committed

This feeling is a game-changer. When you commit to something 100%, then you will achieve it. For the sake of this post, I’m talking about things you can control—your own thoughts and actions.

All meaningful achievements come from commitment. Too often, I see women give up on things because it isn’t happening fast enough or they lose faith in themselves. 

Commitment takes you to the finish line and leads to personal growth. While the achievement is great; it’s the journey that makes us happy.

For example, I’ve committed to writing this post. Trust me on this my friends, each post requires to me to reach for a place that I’ve never been before.

It doesn’t magically write itself!

I’ve had posts that take an hour to write. I’ve had posts take three weeks to write.

It doesn’t matter. When I commit to it, I don’t stop until it gets done.

While the timing may not be under my control, I can control that I get it done.

I use that feeling of committed to think the kinds of thoughts that will get me to the finish line.

“You got this Sara, just keep writing.”

When you are committed, there is no giving up. You just keep on moving in the right direction, until the thing is done.

Be determined

When you are determined, you might not know how to do something but you are resolved that you will do it, somehow, someday.

A few months ago, I watched my youngest granddaughter learn how to walk. She was determined though she didn’t know how and it didn’t come easily.

I watched her for weeks practice just small pieces of walking. Getting up on her feet was a huge accomplishment.

From there I watched her practice balance while holding on with two hands, then just one hand, and then no hands.

There were steps holding on.

Each day she did just a little more than the day before.

Eventually she was taking steps.

We often feel that not knowing how to do something is a weakness and rather than feel self-doubt or uncertainty, we will give up or not even start.

Determination forces you to stay with something through the uncomfortable parts. I used to think I didn’t have any amazing talents.

However, I discovered that my best talent was my determination.

Feel amazed at yourself

I love this feeling!

It might be my new favorite. We can of course be amazed by many things: beautiful sunsets, a newborn baby, or an epic view.

Yet, when you begin doing things that amaze yourself, you’ll be looking at life in a whole new way. In the past couple of days,

• I rode 30 miles on my bike. I was totally amazed at myself.
• I finally finished one of those before-mentioned 3-week posts.
• I exercised and ate clean the entire day!
• I made a phone call that was difficult.
• I said yes, to a new connection.

While some of these might seem easy to you, they were things that I had to push myself to do. I amazed myself.

Amaze yourself my friends!

To help anchor in this, I keep a “win list” where I can write down every way that I’ve amazed myself. 

Feel curious

Curious is another emotion that will take you in interesting places. Just check things out. Give them a try. Look for new experiences to try.

You can always commit later but it’s fun just to explore things that you are curious about.

Being curious can be the start of incredible undertakings in your life. I was curious about blogging.

Actually, being curious has led to so many of my posts!

• Gratitude
• Forgiveness
• Bone broth
• Green smoothies
• Fitness (my way)

Be curious about other people. Trust me on this one, everyone has something interesting about them.

It’s always been a part of my career to be curious about people, and I have learned that every single person has a story or quality that is interesting or that you can learn from.

Feel competent

Choose to learn to do things well. We avoid doing so many things because we aren’t good at them.

You don’t have to be competent at everything but you can become competent at things you weren’t before.

What is it you want to do?

You’ll probably be terrible at it when you start. That’s not just okay, it’s really the best time. Doing something without being good at it.

We don’t just start something and feel competent, but we can work at them and develop our talents until we do feel competent.

Feel balanced

Many times, we try to brush away any feelings that, well, feel bad. Examples are: worried, scared, mad, or embarrassed.

But these are really normal feelings and it’s okay to feel them.

When you accept that they are part of your life about half the time, then you can have them and not let them take over.

Feeling balanced means, you understand that sometimes you won’t always feel happy. You’ll have some of those other feelings too. You accept that as part of the mix.

Life has lots of feelings. The more we recognize them and let them be a part of our life, the more balanced we can feel.

Balance can also be about our physical activity versus rest. Or work versus time not working. We need to balance our spiritual life with our practical life. 

Feel creative

Creative activities can help in so many ways. Recently, Martha Beck wrote that doing creative activities can decrease anxiety.

Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that we have to be good at something to be creative. 

There is so much value in just playing with creative ideas and doing things where you don’t know how they will turn out.

Some of my favorite things to do, just come to me. I love to cut up magazines and put the images into collages. I love to play with clay or paper mache. And of course, I love to write.

There are so many fun things to try. 

Feel present

When you are in the present moment, you can be more happy and less worried. If you are with someone, keep your phone put away and give them your attention.

Spend some time with yourself every day without watching TV, scrolling on your phone, or anything else.

Most of all, be present to yourself.

Pay attention. Listen.

People ask me all the time, where do I get my ideas. I get them by being present to myself and to others.

One way to feel present is to practice meditation but you can also feel more present by being aware of what is happening right now inside you.

Here’s a post to read How to Feel More Present

Feel thankful

It’s ALWAYS the season to be thankful!

When you start focusing on things to be grateful for, you can change your life.

Do this, especially if you feel like you are not getting your fair share in life.

Really, dig deep, every day to find things to feel thankful for. Start a gratitude journal or just make big lists of everything you are grateful for. 

Doing this every day, builds momentum in your life for seeing and receiving good things. It changes how you view the world.

A few years ago, I wrote about my gratitude practice that changed my life. 

Feel connected

Don’t always wait for people to connect with you. Be the person who checks in. Call when you haven’t heard from someone for a while. Send a note via real mail.

It’s easy to expect certain people in your life to connect with you. Sometimes they will. Sometimes they won’t.

Do new things and meet new people.

Most of us just have a few close friends or family members. Yet, we can have an array of other acquaintances that we can connect with.

I’ve made at least six friends online over the past few years. Even though we haven’t met, we have conversations, check on each other, and have even collaborated on projects.

In real life, I make time in my life for my friends and family. I don’t see or talk to everyone every day but I do try to connect either by phone or in person, a few times a week with some of them.

Yet, feeling connected is one of the most important things you can do for your healthy. Research says it may be the most important thing you can do.

You don’t have to have lots of people in your life. This is more about quality than quantity.

Feel authentic

Show up as your real self. Not the one you think people want to see.

For some of us, feeling authentic takes practice. Isn’t that crazy?

It’s worth aiming for though.

Wear the clothes you like. Do the things you enjoy. Hang out with the people you want to be with. Eat the foods that make you feel your best.

Feeling authentic is maybe one of the best feelings there is. Finally, you feel like yourself.

And here’s something to keep in mind. You might think, people won’t like you if they knew who you really are.

It’s actually the opposite. People will love you when you show up as your authentic self.

Some people might not and that is okay.

However, by feeling authentic, you connect with people that do love the real you. And that is an awesome experience.

How to Find Happiness

Finding happiness is not about trying to be happy. We can’t just snap our fingers and become happy.

Yet, there are so many feelings that we can try to feel on purpose that actually increase our chances of feeling happy.

I like those odds much better!