Why Do People Fail in Life
Why Do People Fail in Life
Why do people fail in life? The answer lies in things you may be doing without realizing it. Here are three big causes of failing in life you can change!
In general, it’s good to focus on the positive things we do. Yet, to overcome negative behaviors we have to begin noticing them.
Moreover, these three things are often habits that we have and often don’t even notice that we are doing them. Because they are happening without our realizing the effect they are having on our lives; we can be failing at life and not even know that we are part of our own problem.
That’s the good news though. Failure or the feeling of failing—is something we can do something about.
The Reasons People Fail in Life
Here are the three big causes of failure in life.
- You blame others
- You complain about things
- You don’t finish things
If any of these ring true for you, I’m also going to share the flipside—what you can do instead so you won’t fail at life. I’m telling you, you can be doing all three and sometimes not even notice! Occasionally, I still catch myself complaining or blaming others, and my life has been littered with things I haven’t finished.
Yet, I know that I feel most successful and get the best from life, when I am taking responsibility for my own feelings and results. Others don’t affect our lives nearly as much as we give them power to.
As I said, I’m focusing on three areas, that if you can turn around, will help you feel more successful in life. They do require that you adapt a mindset that places responsibility for your life—on yourself. That’s the best news—it’s all YOU.
Why Do People Fail in Life Reason #1
You Blame Others
“He makes me so mad!” “I’m so frustrated by her.” “She’s holding me back.” “They hurt my feelings.”
I could go on and on, with the typical things we blame others for. Some days it does feel like the whole world is against us. But most of the time, the people we complain about are our partners, families, friendships, and co-workers.
Those people! It’s so normal to think that other people are to blame for at least some of our life circumstances. Right?
Yet, by blaming, we give them even more power! This one is tough to get your brain wrapped around but well worth the effort.
Sure, people do things that seem to annoy, hurt, and anger us. The thing is, they are just doing their thing. And no matter who they are, their thing isn’t to make sure you are happy. That is our own job. It’s our job to manage our feelings and to choose what we are going to think.
Think of events or other people’s actions as neutral. We are the ones who think about things in a certain way and that leads to our feeling good or feeling bad.
How to Succeed at Life Tip #1
Accept Responsibility for Your Thoughts and Feelings
Accepting responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings is life-changing. At the very least, you will feel better, more of the time.
In addition to personal growth, I write about nutrition quite a bit. Once you learn to eat in a way that nourishes your body—you can be free of cravings and overeating.
Letting go of the need to blame others is equally as freeing! Taking care of your mind is just as important as taking care of your body. In fact, there is a lot of research that says the quality of your thoughts affects the quality of your health.
In my own life, I put a lot of pressure on my partner to make me happy. That’s something that is very normal in relationships. Not super effective though. Nevertheless, I also realize that basing my happiness on someone else’s actions is not very reliable. My partner really likes me to be happy but honestly, he can’t figure out how to do it every minute of every day!
So, I have been working on myself. If something happens and my knee-jerk reaction is to get upset, I’m taking time to slow it down and see what I thought to myself, that resulted in my getting angry.
100% of the time, when I get upset, it’s because I told myself something, that made me upset. Once I identify that, then I can choose to tell myself something else. Once I have better thoughts, I have better feelings, and I take better actions.
The RESULTS are always better this way. Always.
Why Do People Fail in Life Reason #2
You Complain About Things
Recently while researching studies about gratitude, I came across some related research about the power of negative emotion words, in other words–complaining.
It’s been my experience through coaching and counseling, that people who complain a lot are unhappier. I’m certainly unhappier when I complain!
Here’s the thing. When you are complaining about someone or a situation, you are engaging in a lot of negative emotion talk. Yes, we all feel unhappy at times. Sometimes a lot of times.
Complaining dredges up negative emotion and keeps it active. Complaining is wiring your brain for more negative emotion. It has also shown some correlation to poor mental health.
Removing complaining from your life can actually improve your mental health. One study found that it was the removal of the negative talk that was more significant than simply adding gratitude.
As essential as being grateful is to your life, it is equally as important to remove the negative emotional talk!
By complaining we keep ourselves unhappy for a longer period of time than we need to be. It does feel good in the short term to vent or complain but it’s also a sign that you aren’t taking responsibility for your own feelings.
And when we complain to others, we are sharing our negative emotion with them and that can affect their feelings of well-being.
We’ve all had that happen. You’re feeling pretty good and someone comes along and tells you a horrible story and next thing you know, you’re feeling like crap.
Don’t do that to people! And don’t do it to yourself. If it helps, remember that refraining from complaining is good for you and your health. It’s like giving up smoking—you’ll benefit and the others around you will benefit.
How to Succeed at Life Tip #2
Quit complaining and look for things to be grateful for.
While gratitude rewires the brain to have more positive emotion, giving up complaining is just as important. Complaining and using negative emotion words can keep you mired in those toxic emotions. Seriously, a negative mindset is just as bad as negative physical habits.
Breaking the complaining habit takes mindfulness and practice. What you’ll discover is that when you don’t complain, you will have more of your brain available to take positive action. When you concentrate on what you are thinking about things, you are able to choose better thoughts. With those better thoughts comes the ability to make choices in your life that are good for you and the others around you.
Why Do People Fail in Life Reason #3
You Quit Too Early
In this talk by Carol Dweck, “The Power of Not Yet” she tells the story of a school that doesn’t fail students, they get a grade of not yet.
How about it we all, instead of thinking of ourselves as failures, give ourselves a grade of NOT YET? With a not yet, mindset, you are more likely to stick with things, until you complete them.
The ability to complete things, no matter how long it takes, is what truly separates those that are considered failures and those that are considered successes.
We all know people that give up. I know so many people that think once they hit the magic ages of 40, 50, or 60 and beyond, that it is too late to try new things or start a new job or career.
They feel like failures because of all the things they haven’t done and because of an arbitrary age, they quit at life!
Or something takes a long time, longer than we anticipated, and we choose to quit instead of sticking with it a little or a lot longer.
What would your life have been like if you had completed most of the things that you had started?
How to Succeed at Life Tip #3
See Things Through to Completion
This one is simple in understanding but more complicated in the doing of it. To not fail at life, you have to complete things!
The world is littered with half built or painted houses, partially written books (I have a few in my files!), and undone projects.
I’ve written on How to Stop Procrastinating and What’s Keeping You Stuck? because I know how painful and debilitating having undone things in your life can be. Those unfinished projects create energetic barriers in your life.
Not only that—but they contribute to you feeling like a failure.
When you complete things, you don’t feel like you are failing at life. Completing creates the feeling of being successful and knowing that you can accomplish things.
The best thing is that you don’t have to start with your biggest projects, you can start with ANYTHING! Just pick something you need to get done and do it. If that feels too hard, try this: How to Get Things Done When You Don’t Feel Like It.
Completing things is a super power that will truly change your life!
Why do people fail in life?
I hope that one of the take-aways from this post is that “failure” is a feeling. You aren’t truly failing if you are still here, still breathing, still reading posts like this.
Feeling like a failure is something you have control of. You can take steps from this very minute to go from feeling like you are failing in life to feeling like you are succeeding.
I believe it is innate in all of us to grow, learn, and be the best we can. When you are doing that, you are a success and you will feel like it too.
This life is a journey and I truly want you to enjoy as much of it as possible!
Hi, I'm Sara and I'm so happy you're here! My Think Big Life began shortly after I turned 50. Big changes can happen with a small start, an adjustment of thought, or a simple process. Over time, you transform your life into the one you always dreamed of having. As a coach, I can help you create a life you love. Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.