Take Charge of Your Life: 3 Steps Women Can Start Today

Feeling stuck in midlife? Here are 3 steps you can use to take charge of your life, set boundaries, and start living the way you want to beginning today.

Most women I meet are smart, capable, and deeply committed to everyone around them. Yet underneath all that giving, so many feel tired, frustrated, and quietly stuck. Life seems to be running them instead of the other way around.

Taking charge of your life isn’t about abandoning your responsibilities or becoming selfish; it’s about reclaiming your time, energy, and creative spark so you can live fully, not just function

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Taking charge of your life doesn’t mean dropping your responsibilities or suddenly putting yourself above everyone else. It means reclaiming your time, energy, and creativity so you can show up as the best version of yourself.

In this post, I’m sharing three powerful shifts that will help you take back control. They might feel uncomfortable at first—but they are the exact changes that create more peace, health, and joy in your life.

Why So Many Women Feel Stuck in Midlife

Through working with my clients for the past six years, I’ve learned just how amazing most women are. They are capable, hard-working, and exquisitely caring about other people.

And while they have all these qualities, they are also tired, frustrated, and often feel like life is running them rather than being in charge of their own lives. It feels for many women, like they do and do and they feel emptier and emptier.

At the same time, their health is suffering and often they’ve gained weight that they can’t do anything about. Who has the time? Just tell me what to do.

So here it is. Here are three things you can do to take charge of your life. When you read these, you may be tempted to ignore them. But I want to warn you, that your life will not get better by just hoping it will.

Even my clients that are retired, still find themselves not in charge of their own lives. They tend to add more doing for others to their lives. Or they become obsessed with having the perfect house. Unless you change how you think about yourself and your time, how you feel will not change.

I really wanted to keep this list to three areas that I seeing lacking in women’s lives. When a woman works with me, it’s usually to help with eating or just not feeling good in general. They believe that there problem is their weight or something occurring in their lives.

The Hidden Problem: Lack of Self-Care and Boundaries

10/10 times, it is a lack of self-care and a lack of boundaries that are the real problem.

So, I want to remind you that you are a person too. You have just as much a right to your exquisite self-care as anybody else.

But we forget that. We grow up believing we have to please everyone else all the time. Or else!

Or else we will face disapproval or even ejection from your community in some way.

In addition, I want to remind you that you are now an adult, who has some amount of agency over her own life. Yet, that feeling that it is unsafe to disappoint or let others down lives on within you.

And that right there my friends is the thing that holds almost everyone of you back in some way.

So, I encourage you to read all the way through. Today might not be the day that you take this on but I want to plant the seed of possibility that you can take charge of your life.

In my work, the one thing that divides women who get great results from women that stay stuck is the belief that they can change. That belief doesn’t have to be 100% but even a little tiny bit will help.

Why Taking Charge of Your Life Matters More Than Ever

Here’s the paradox: you’re busy, but you’re still living too small.

You’re working hard, juggling endless responsibilities, but all that effort keeps you from tapping into your best self. Too often, women bury their unique talents under a pile of obligations and “shoulds.”

When you start taking charge, you stop waiting for someone else, your boss, your partner, your kids, to give you permission. You realize the power was always yours. And here’s the bonus: when you show up as the real you, everyone around you benefits too.

I didn’t say you weren’t busy, you aren’t working hard, or that you aren’t doing enough. It’s just that by exhausting yourself on so much, you aren’t bringing your full best self to the world.

What I mean by that is that you are doing lots a helpful and productive things, but you probably haven’t even tapped into the best you have to offer. Women often have amazing qualities and unique skills, but these get buried under all the mundane tasks we take on.

Now, I know, there are times in our lives when we have to be like that. But for the most part, my clients are beyond middle age, kids if they have them are grown, and have established careers or are retired.

Everything I do through coaching is to help my clients feel better and I believe in doing that from the inside out. Often we believe things around us have to change.

The Trap of Waiting for Others to Change

• My boss needs to get me some help
• My partner should be doing more
• My kids are taking advantage of me and should stop

Those really are three of the biggest issues I see. Yet, I know that nothing changes on the outside until we adjust how we are on the inside. We have to start with ourselves to create the conditions we would prefer in our lives.

When you commit to taking charge of your life, you take responsibility for the quality of your life. Yes, of course other people affect your life, but I guarantee you this, you have given other people WAY more power in your life than they deserve or need.

And trust me on this. They don’t just hand it over willingly or just because they finally realize how much you do and surely you need some you-time. Nope that never happens until you decide you deserve it first.

Here’s the good news

Finally, let me give you some good news. When you take charge of your life; everyone’s life gets better. It might seem like it will be worse for others, but when you show up as the real you, you truly improve your relationships.

You may not even realize how much resentment you have or how tired you are. So many of you do not rest until you drop from exhaustion in the evenings.

If you’re running on empty, stay put, and give yourself a chance to live your authentic life. Giving more does not mean doing more. It means the quality of giving more than makes up for the quantity of giving and doing.

You do less but you do better and that is good for everyone. By doing this you give yourself the tine to take care of yourself and also deepen the contribution you make to the world.

How to Begin Taking Charge

Now, let’s dig in here. We’ve already done some of the liminal work by planting the seed that you can do less and do better. By doing that you gain control of your life which allows you to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health.

While some change can happen overnight, most will come incrementally but also be cumulative in nature. It takes time to change but it is well worth it because of all the benefits you get as you go.

Let’s get off that hamster wheel and start living intentionally!

Step 1: Learn to Let People Down (Without Guilt)

This one feels scary, but it is life changing. Women push themselves into exhaustion to avoid disappointing others. We say yes when we’re already stretched thin. We take on “just one more thing” even when our health is suffering.

But here’s the truth: saying no and feeling a few minutes of guilt is far better than saying yes and carrying hours of extra work on your back. When you let go of the need to keep everyone happy, you gain freedom, energy, and even respect.

I’m going to start with what will probably be the most difficult to believe but will be the MOST life-changing: learning to disappoint and let other people down.

What letting people down does not mean

For of all, I want to assure you that this doesn’t mean not doing your job or not being a good partner, parent, child, or friend. It just means being more intentional in what you take on and not being afraid to feel uncomfortable or even guilty when you know someone is disappointed.

I’ll even go so far as to say, we take on way too much because we FEAR disappointing or letting someone else down. We overwork so we don’t even have the change to feel guilty or uncomfortable.

I meet women that are fifty+ pounds overweight, with multiple health problems, and exhausted who will not let other people down.

We’d rather be fat, sick, and tired than let someone else down. You sacrifice your very own life and health, not for others, but to protect yourselves from feeling uncomfortable for a couple of minutes.

Yep, we literally work ourselves into bad health, because we are not willing to feel bad about saying no.

I’ll tell you right here, saying no and feeling uncomfortable for a couple of minutes is WAY better than taking on hours additional duties for the foreseeable future.

Women do that all the time though. We just keep adding and adding until we are so tired and jacked up at the same time that we can’t even get good rest.

Step 2: Make Time for YOU—And Protect It Fiercely

Your schedule will never magically open up. You have to claim space for yourself. That might mean stopping work on time, letting others handle their responsibilities, or blocking out regular breaks in your day.

This isn’t optional. Without intentional rest, you’ll eventually collapse into exhaustion. YOU Time is what keeps you healthy, grounded, and able to keep giving in meaningful ways. Think of it as preventative care for your body and soul.

Take charge of your schedule

Here are some actions that make time for YOU Time. Before you can actually do things that recharge you and make you feel better, you have to open up some time on your schedule.

• Stop work on time
• Do not do other people’s jobs or do things people can do for themselves
• Hire a house cleaner
• Do not take on additional assignments if your schedule is full. Be clear about people’s expectations and what you can do in normal work hours.
• If you share living space with others; expect them to do their share or share in expense of hiring work out.

Yet, how do you get to the place where you can do that? That’s the mindset and emotional work. Your brain might scream or whisper that this feels really unsafe to do.

Or probably more common, is that tricky little thought that says, “Oh well, it’s just easier for me to do it myself.”

It is not easier long-term to do it yourself

We all say that! And it is so damaging in the big picture. Sure, it may be easier in some ways, but after you’ve done that hundreds of times, your schedule is too full. It’s not easier in the long-run.

We might not even realize that. We just know we can’t say no. We can’t take time to eat. We have to try even hard to keep up or maybe even get ahead one day. (Spoiler: That NEVER happens.)

If you are retired or don’t work, you may be wrapped up in taking care of your partner, your home, your kids, your grandkids, your parents, your church, your community, or your home. I see the same thing even in women who don’t work.

You don’t want to let anyone down either.

How to get started making time

First of all, you can decide where you want to make a change. I often have women start with something that makes sense. Deciding to take time away from work to eat lunch if they don’t do that. Since most women I work with want to lose weight, taking time to prepare and eat a good lunch is important and it fits with the overall goal.

While it sounds easy enough, the doing on a daily basis from that moment on is a little more difficult. That means giving up an hour of work. That means getting less done. That means getting even further behind.

The thoughts! The feelings!

However, a beautiful thing can happen. After letting themselves feel bad for taking time to actually eat, they feel a little better. They feel more in charge of their life. Their focus may improve.

The Real Meaning of YOU Time

I believe having YOU Time is essential, not just nice if you can get it. Most women would like it but don’t see the real need for it. If you think like that, let me give you some statistics. Each year women die from preventable lifestyle diseases as well as live with debilitating autoimmune diseases that seriously affect their quality of life.

I once had a client who bragged that she knew how to rest and went on to say that she rested, “when she couldn’t move anymore.” That is not rest my friends! That is exhaustion.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever read was that to have a clean house, you clean before it looks dirty. You dust, vacuum, and wipe up on a regular basis preventing the house from ever being dirty.

Resting on the regular is how we prevent exhaustion and recharge ourselves by doing activities that help us feel better. My favorite way to rest is to lay on the couch and read. I also make time to exercise, meditate, and journal into my day.

Resting can be doing things

Other women prefer other things such as gardening, spending time with pets, going for walks, doing a favorite craft, cooking or baking, or watching tv.

While YOU time is meant to be relaxing, it doesn’t have to be just laying around (though there is nothing wrong with that!) and doing nothing. YOU Time is a time where your body and mind can actually relax and cultivate peace and calm for yourself.

This is a part of taking care of your health. The constant pressure from doing things that keep your nervous system revved up is not good for you. It’s just as bad as overeating and drinking in my opinion, though it’s definitely more socially acceptable.

Step 3: Create Something That’s Uniquely Yours

At your core, you are a creator. Whether it’s writing, gardening, painting, baking, or building something new, creating is how you tap into the energy of life itself. It doesn’t deplete you; it fills you up.

Too many women put their creative dreams on hold because they believe chores or other people’s needs matter more. But when you carve out space to create, you enrich not only your own life, but also the lives of those around you.

I think the best reason to take charge of your life is that you can make room to create. In my opinion being a creator of any kind is life giving. It plugs us into the energy of life.

Creation is our legacy that we leave behind

What do I mean by creating. To me, creating is when we bring something into being that was never here before. We literally make something new and expand the world. And we can do this through any avenue we want.

As a writer, I am daily amazed by what I bring into being. You are sitting there reading these words. Before I typed them into my computer, this exact mix of words did not exist.

Writing used to be intimidating to me as I learned to work with my own creative force. Now it comes much easier and I believe that this time I schedule every day is life-giving. It doesn’t deplete me; it adds to me and to the world.

Creating generates life; it doesn’t take away

Your creations make more for everyone rather than taking away from others.

You may have looked at having time to create as selfish; as something you just do for yourself because you like it. I see women put their creative dreams on hold for years, maybe decades. Why?

Because we value doing menial work for others more than our own creativity. Instead of enriching the world and life itself, we spend our precious time, doing boring, unnecessary, and tedious work that usually enriches others in some way.

Yes, we’re all going to have our share of the stuff we have to do, that we don’t love. However, everything we do doesn’t have to be like that. I can almost guarantee that as you move from doing other’s work to concentrating on your own, while making time to rest and create, you will get better at your actual job.

Those dreams of decorating, designing, crafting, making, writing, or anything else are valid and important ways for you to spend time.

Bringing It All Together: Your Next Step Starts Now

I hope I encouraged you to see that taking charge of your life is good for you and those around you. It isn’t selfish. In fact it is the most giving thing you can do for yourself, the people you care about, and the world.

Taking charge of your life isn’t about throwing everything out the window or suddenly living a completely different way. It’s about recognizing that your time, energy, and gifts are valuable—and you are the one who gets to decide how to use them.

When you learn to let people down, you reclaim your health and sanity. When you carve out YOU Time, you restore your energy and presence. And when you give yourself permission to create, you step into the part of you that was meant to expand, not shrink.

Each of these changes might feel small at first, but together they shift the foundation of your life. They remind you that you’re not here just to keep everyone else comfortable—you’re here to live fully, with strength, joy, and intention.

So ask yourself: which of these three steps will you begin with today? Even one small decision in your favor can be the spark that changes everything.

Taking charge of your life isn’t a dramatic overhaul; it’s a series of intentional choices that put your well-being back on the map. Learning to let people down frees your energy. Protecting your YOU Time restores your spark. Creating brings you alive. Even one small decision in your favor can be the shift that changes everything.

So, which step will you start with today? If you’re ready to stop waiting for life to change and start leading it yourself, let’s talk. Schedule a free consult with me here and take your first intentional step forward.