How Do You Want to Show Up in Life?

Like this post? Share it with your friends...

How do you want to show up in life? I think about this question almost every single day and on my better days, I decide ahead of time to get the best results.

What do I mean by how do you want to show up in your life?

What Does Showing Up for Your Life Look Like?

Showing up for your life means you live a more intentional life. Most of us think this means how we act and we try to control our own actions or worse we try to control other people’s actions.

What I teach is something different.

I teach women to decide in advance how they want to think and feel. When you have that sorted out, the actions almost take care of themselves.

Most people live at the mercy of their feelings, believing that others have the ability to hurt our feelings, make us mad, or sad.

And so because of this, we can be reactive instead of proactive in how we show up in our lives.

November 2023 Update: With the holidays coming up fast, this decision of how YOU want to show up is more important than ever.

As much as I want to control everyone’s experience, I really can’t. Sure I will feel better in some ways if everyone gets along, everyone helps, the food is perfect, and my house is super clean.

These are all actions: mine and my family’s. I can’t control a lot of it. So what else can I do to help assure that I’m going to be happy with myself and my actions.

Here is a list of some of my favorite intentional feelings:

  • Kind
  • Loving
  • Wise
  • Authentic
  • Respectful
  • Trustworthy
  • Self-confident
  • Receptive
  • Amazing
  • Inclusive

I would love to be all of these things, all the time! But it’s usually best to focus on one at a time depending on the situation.

Awhile back, I was reading Girl Go Wash Your Face and Rachel Hollis mentioned the “Fruits of the Spirit.”

  • Love
  • Joy
  • Patience
  • Peace
  • Kindness
  • Goodness
  • Faithfulness
  • Gentleness
  • Self-control
Picture of confident woman looking directly at the camera with the words: How to show up intentionally in your own life

This list reminded me of my recently-created list and I became fascinated by the Fruits of the Spirt, which by the way are from the Bible, Galatians 5:22-23

The Fruits of the Spirit

My understanding of the fruits of the spirit are that they are bestowed. As in, you pray for them and they come as some sort of reward. Yet, in talking with my mom, who studies the Bible daily, she believed that they were innate in us.

Here’s the thing. I believe that these can be developed and learned. Yes learned. We can practice and become a person that shows up with any of these gifts that we desire.

Think of them as being in you in seed form. Perhaps some you have watered and nourished. Perhaps some have been neglected.

Yet, in looking at the list many times, I think they all are wonderful parts of ourselves that deserve to be developed!

That’s the best part. You can decide to claim the fruits of the spirit and grow them until you are bursting with all that goodness!

How do you want to show up in life?  This question led me to discover the fruits of the spirit and more importantly how to express them every day.

Why We Don’t Show Up in Life Like We Want?

Yet, at times, it probably seems like we act in the exact opposite of someone that is filled with the fruits from the spirit or intentional in how we feel.

That’s because most of us think feelings are just something that happens to us.

It’s very common to get our feelings hurt. Someone does or says something and we feel hurt or even mad. Then we begin acting and reacting in ways that are not our best selves.

Here’s the thing. In between someone doing something and you feeling hurt, you’ve had a thought.

It usually goes something like this: “He/she shouldn’t have done that to me.”

Then we begin acting out of hurt or anger, rather than love, self-control, or patience.

You know what? Even though you may feel absolutely justified and every one of your friends agrees with you, that is not in YOUR best interest.

Benefits of Deciding Who You Want to Be

When you decide how you want to show up in life, you are acting from your best self. This best self is aligned with your deepest values and always acts in your best interest.










You could literally pick any of these as how you want to show up and you can’t go wrong.

How to Feel on Purpose

If you want to start showing up in the world as an intentional woman who feels strong and powerful, then keep reading and most of all start practicing.

In each of the lists above, these are all qualities that I would love to be known and remembered for. I believe in living an authentic life and I believe that I can be genuine and develop these personal qualities as well.

How to Cultivate Your Best Feelings

I love my original list and I encourage you to really take a few minutes and write down how you want to show up in life.

What kind of qualities do you want to embody? I mean that. These are powerful qualities that are visible to others and to yourself.

Whether you use the fruits of the spirit from the Bible or make your own, these are all qualities that you can feel in yourself and other people can actually see in you.

Put it in writing

My original list is handwritten on lined paper. At the top I wrote, How I Want to Show Up in Life. I’ve looked at this list every day since.

Writing something down and then looking at it often, is a powerful reminder to yourself and your own spirit of what your goal is.


Life is really good at giving you many opportunities to put into practice, learning to embody these gifts.

I was sitting with an ill friend the other evening. She was confused and scared and taking care of her was difficult. But I remembered the second list, the one that included patience as well as kindness.

And I knew I could do it. I knew I could be kind and patient for as long as it took.

In fact, when you find yourself the most irritated or annoyed, I promise you, that is an amazing opportunity to practice growing your intentional feelings.

Sometimes I just like to pick one word and concentrate on it for a day or two. It’s funny how much you will think about it and express it if you have the intention to do so.

Notes on Feeling on Purpose


Love is at the top of the list because it is the most important but probably most misunderstood emotion in the world.

We crave love but we go about feeling it in all the wrong ways.

Here’s what I believe.

Love is something I feel to make me feel better. I create it with my thoughts. I don’t have to wait for someone to give it to me.

My mom has always told me that love is a decision. You can decide to love—no matter what someone else is doing or feeling.

When I chose to feel love for a person; I make better decisions and I have a better relationship with all people.

Sometimes, I chose to love and not be with or see a person.


Joy comes from doing the right things, from doing the difficult things, and from doing the things we never knew we could.

Yet, sometimes joy is just a gift, something we can experience in a moment.

I always think of holding a new baby when I think of joy. Reaching the top of a mountain. Seeing a child marry the person they love.

To me, joy is the little bit of life that shows up every once in a while, to show us just how good we can feel.

You might get a little bit every day or maybe just once a week. It’s special.

The trick is to acknowledge it and appreciate it.


Where do you need to practice patience? In the car? At work? In your family?

You can have good boundaries and still be patient. It doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you.

It means, though, that sometimes you can slow down and let other people go the speed that is comfortable for them. Your timetable is not someone else’s.


Choosing peace is a lot like choosing love. When you choose peace in your life you can let go of so much that isn’t peace.

In October, I exited a relationship that while loving, never was peaceful. I left still feeling love and not sure what the future would hold.

Here’s what it held: PEACE.

I still feel love for my person. But I wouldn’t trade my peace for anything.

Several years ago, I had to quit eating wheat. I loved bread and pasta. Yet, I was always sick. Within three days of not eating wheat, all my symptoms went away.

I never looked back. My gut felt peace and it was wonderful.

Do I miss bread and pasta?

Yes, I do, once in a while.

But you know what I like better? Feeling peace.

Do I miss this person? Yes, almost every day for a few minutes.

Then I think how good I feel now. I feel peace.

We can love people and situations and still let them go. In fact, if you do it for love, for yourself and the other person, it’s the best thing in the world.


As I write these notes, I can see how interrelated they all are. Choosing love and patience, often is kindness.

I often think of something I read once, that kindness feels better than being right.

If you aren’t sure how to be kind think about the ways that you like to be treated. When someone:

  • compliments you
  • lets your car in line
  • smiles at you and says hello
  • buys you a coffee or tea
  • letting an argument drop
  • admits they could be wrong
  • asks how you are
  • offers to watch your kids

Kindness is usually free, so practice it often and with enthusiasm!


What does goodness even mean. For women, I think we’ve often thought that we had to choose “good” over being authentic.

To me, goodness is being authentic and living aligned with your values. From that place, your actions better serve you and the people around you.

Acting in goodness, benefits others. Yet, we often have a rather narrow definition of what that is.

When you try to fit yourself into a mold that you think is good, you might be acting in a way that you think is good but you might be seething inside.

An example would be if you find yourself saying yes to things that you “think you should” do.

Whenever you have a should in the reason you are doing something, it’s worth looking into.

No one else gets to decide what your version of good is. For some it might be in some kind of service. For others, it might be creating art. It could be teaching. It could be volunteering. It might just be taking care of yourself right now.

You can totally practice goodness on yourself!

Faithfulness and steadfastness

Loyalty. Fidelity.

Who are you loyal to?

Your family

Your friends

Your employers

Your community

Your self

I write an entire blog about taking care of yourself and creating a life you love.

Yet, at the same time, we all strive to be faithful to people and things outside of us.

One of the things that has helped me recently is my steadfastness to my work, my blog, and the community of readers that have found me through my blog posts.

I choose to show up to write, to share, and to work deeply with my clients.

When I started my blog, I couldn’t even imagine that my life would feel so rich and full.

I was steadfast in my efforts. I wrote through illness and accidents, through falling in love, through breakups, through family fights, and through the birth of my grandchildren.

Meaning, I wrote and showed up when I felt terrified, sad, angry, confused, and lonely, as well as happy, joyful, loving, compassionate, confident, and strong.

We can’s escape sometimes feeling bad, but we don’t have to camp out there forever.


My youngest granddaughter was born 20 months ago (now 5 1/2 years ago). I remember holding her gently in my arms. She seemed at peace and content. Until voices in the room would be raised—often just in enthusiasm and joy.

She didn’t like that. She liked gentle voices and gestures.

Most people do like gentleness. A soft touch. A calm voice. Gentle actions.

Sometimes I feel like the bull in a china shop. I can speak sharply. I can be too brusque.

I strive to be gentler in all my dealings with people. Not just because it can be the right thing to do but because I notice, much like my granddaughter, I like gentle voices and gestures.


Most of us struggle with this one. For some it is food. Others it is wine. Others it could be sex. Or even work.

It’s also the one we are the least compassionate with ourselves about.

I’ve heard women talk about themselves so cruelly about the places where they lack self-control.

Here’s the truth. Everyone has areas where they struggle with self-control.

Yet, we have this picture that some people have self-control in all areas. Those people don’t exist.

We’re human and we live in a world that tells us that we should be happy all the time. How do we do that?

We do that by overeating, overdrinking, overbuying, and over so many things!

You aren’t a bad person.

There are probably 99 ways that you show self-control and yet you are ashamed of the one area where you don’t.

I feel like I know so many of you now. I’ve heard your stories and you blow my mind with your self-control.

Remember all the ways you do show self-control. The other areas show you are human.

Learning to Be Intentional in How You Show Up

We’re all in this together. You grow certain feelings by being intentional and focusing on ways you want to feel. And we grow and nurture in relation to others.

The biggest help that I’ve had with these areas of self-development has been with life coaching.

I feel like a different person. Every single relationship I have is better. Not because the other person changed, but because I changed.

My perspective on my entire life has changed. It turned out that creating a life I loved was not about getting things or changing people, it was about changing my view of the world and by doing that, living a life, aligned with showing up aligned with my deepest values.

Like this post? Share it with your friends...

Keep showing up my friends,



I'm a certified life and weight loss coach who helps women feel better and get the most out of their lives! The process of life coaching teaches you to love yourself and gain self confidence in a safe effective way.

Ready to find out more?

Schedule a free consultation today.

Leave a Comment

Coach with Me!

Picture of Sara


Hi, I'm Sara Garska and I'm so happy you're here! Big changes can happen with a shift in thinking. Over time, you transform your life into the one you always dreamed of having. As a certified life and weight loss coach, I can help you create a life you love. Click here to schedule a free 50-minute coaching session.