What to do When a Toxic Person Steals Your Joy
Don’t let anyone steal your joy! Dealing with a toxic person can rob you, not only of joy, but your peace of mind too. Here’s what to do when a toxic person steals your joy.
Don’t let Anyone Steal Your Joy
Don’t let anyone steal your joy! Below are strategies to help you deal with the toxic people in your life instead of getting caught up in their drama. When others steal your joy, they also rob you of peace of mind and focus.
When others steal your joy, life can be confusing, frustrating, and disheartening.
These relationships can feel unfixable because that other person usually refuses to take any responsibility or honestly discuss the situation.
July 2021: My experiences with toxic people led me to not only get life coaching but to become a life coach. If you need more help dealing with relationships than this post can provide sign up for a free consult call to get some new perspective.
I originally wrote this post in 2016 when my dealings with my toxic relationships had left me at my lowest point in life. I have long since forgiven and moved on from these relationships. Now I only accept healthy relationships in my own life.
I always have my own back!
For the record, I don’t think that many people are toxic in general. And it’s really not my place to label someone as toxic—it is an ugly word. So, when I say toxic person, I really mean toxic-to-me.
I got interested in learning about toxic people, when I was dealing with a toxic relationship with an ex-boyfriend and I was trying to figure out if I should let him remain in my life or not. My sister finally said, “I don’t think he’s toxic but he’s douchey for sure.”
At the same time, I was dealing with a toxic family member who was doing hurtful things to me.
Both of these people were stealing my JOY. I needed to know what to do when a toxic person steals your joy.
Not sure if someone is a TOXIC person, read How to Tell if Someone is Toxic,
When a Toxic Person Strikes
Here’s what happened. A few weeks ago, my toxic person did something pretty horrible and hurtful and not for the first time. It was one of those punches to the gut that just blindsided me.
And while I probably shouldn’t have been surprised—I was. It took a couple of days for me to find my equilibrium.
I decided that the relationship was toxic for me.
Signs You May Be in a Toxic Relationship
- You have trouble sleeping.
- You have trouble concentrating.
- You have thought patterns about this person because you can’t figure out what’s going on.
- You feel shame about being in this relationship
- You want to be free but you feel stuck
Then yesterday it happened. Again. With the same person. And that’s when I realized that I wanted to learn how to not let someone steal my joy. And I wanted my productivity or a good night’s sleep back!
Signs of a Toxic Person
Here are the markers that tell me I’m dealing with a toxic (to me) person.
- They have some kind of power to make you feel like crap.
- You can’t have honest discussions with them.
- You can’t ever get through to them how they are hurting you.
- They aren’t willing or able to have any open discussions about the relationship
Of course, there are times you can distance yourself from a toxic person or even not have them in your life.
But that’s not always an immediate option, so sometimes you have to take care of yourself AND still deal with a toxic person. That only leaves only one person I can change: Me.
Dealing with a Toxic Personality
Since I couldn’t change them and I couldn’t totally avoid them, I needed strategies to help me keep my equilibrium and my joy.
I had to look at me and why I have that kind of reaction to that person or why they might be having one to me.
I wondered about my part in the relationship. Had I been too defensive? Had I said things to offend the other person? Was I not open to having a healthy relationship?
To be honest, I really did think I had been open to having a healthy relationship. I had put my defenses down and I thought it was going well.
Until I got sucker-punched. For the umpteenth time. It was time to look at this in a new way.
(Eventually I did free myself from all toxic relationships–Here’s how I did it in, How to Free Yourself From a Toxic Relationship.
What to Do When Someone Steals Your Joy
I always start with my mental attitude. While I may never have the kind of relationship that I’d like with this person, surely it can be better.
Create Ground rules for Dealing with a Toxic Personality
- Accept the situation right where it is. You CANNOT change this person.
- Concentrate on all the relationships that are actually going well in your life. Spend more time with these people.
- Have the intent to only be in healthy relationships
- Hurt people, hurt people. This person is hurting or might even have a personality disorder or addiction. That doesn’t mean you have to accept that they should hurt you.
- Let your feelings of self-worth come from you—not what another person thinks of you.
- Allow yourself to safely distance yourself from this person, perhaps forever.
As much as you can mentally be in a better position about a not-so-great relationship, you also have to remember that YOU don’t deserve to be hurt.
It’s perfectly okay to have healthy boundaries and respect for yourself.
With a stronger mental picture of this situation, you will know what to do when a toxic person steals your joy.
How to Keep Your Joy
- You can choose whether to have this person in your life or not.
- You can address the behavior if possible.
- You can deal with this person in an unemotional way.
- You will not ruminate or obsess about their behavior.
- You will consciously choose your actions and interactions with these people.
As you can tell, I certainly don’t have all the answers for this situation. But I do feel in a much better place about this situation and others that may be similar.
One thing is for sure, I do not want to give a toxic person any more power in my life or to rob me of one more minute of joy or peace.
If you are in a situation that is unsafe to you physically or mentally, then you may have to make other decisions.
Please take your welfare seriously. Sometimes removing yourself from a situation is the best solution. However, this isn’t always the case and for your own reasons, you may need to keep dealing with a toxic person.
What to Do When a Toxic Person Steals Your Joy
In my case, when the more recent event happened, I did at first feel the hurt from the behavior.
However, since I had already been thinking about my mental attitude, I was able to get back to my equilibrium much faster. My attitude is now more curious and open than it was before.
I also realize that I don’t have to fix this for me to feel better. I can feel better just by choosing how I’m going to think and what I’m going to concentrate on.
Sure I’d love to have this person’s love and support. But I am not going to let the not having it right now, make my life feel like less.
I can learn from every situation and my final intention on this subject is that I am going to learn and grow from it.
Dealing with the Toxic Personality
As for the ex-boyfriend. Maybe he’s not a toxic person but he might just not be good for me. And that’s okay too. In the end, I cut off all contact because the relationship simply was not good for me or my peace of mind.
However, the good that came out of the situation was that I did learn how to stop people from stealing my joy and I work really hard to never let anyone rob me of my peace.
Within a three months of cutting ties with this toxic relationship, I met a wonderful man that I’m still with almost three years later.
You just can’t “be friends” with a toxic personality. They can only be managed or let go of.
Don’t Let Anyone Take Your Joy
The other relationship, I have maintained. I owned my part of it and while it’s not a super-close relationship, it is no longer toxic.
In fact, it’s become friendly and amicable and we enjoy each other’s company when we get together.
When others steal your joy, it can be tricky to figure out whether they are toxic to you or not.
Sometimes it is a matter of our own boundaries and when we strengthen those, we know whether to let a relationship go or to continue it.
Keep showing up my friends,
Ready to find out more?
Schedule a free consultation today.
Coach with Sara
Hi, I'm Sara Garska and I'm so happy you're here! My Think Big Life began shortly after I turned 50. Big changes can happen with a small start, an adjustment of thought, or a simple process. Over time, you transform your life into the one you always dreamed of having. As a certified life coach, I can help you create a life you love. Click here to schedule a free 50-minute coaching session.