Here are daily habits that pay off for life, especially for women over 50. Discover simple practices that build confidence, energy, and emotional strength over time.

We all want to feel better, live better, and age with energy and confidence. Yet most women spend their days reacting to life: rushing, caring for others, solving problems, and trying to stay ahead.

Before we even realize it, we’ve pushed our own needs to the very bottom of the list.

And here’s the truth most women discover too late: The habits you build now become the quality of the life you live later.

The right daily habits don’t just make you more productive or “disciplined.” They pay off for life by giving you more peace, more clarity, more strength, and more joy; not someday but starting now.

And the best part?

These habits don’t demand hours of your day or a personality makeover. They ask for something simpler:

Attention.

Intention.

A willingness to support yourself the way you support everyone else.

In this post, I’m sharing the 5 daily habits that pay off for life; the very ones I’ve used to change my own health, mindset, and happiness, and the ones I teach my clients.

These habits build on themselves. They create more time, more energy, and more emotional resilience, even if life around you is busy or stressful.

Skim if you need to, but I hope you don’t stop there. Let these ideas land. Even reading this can begin a shift inside you, one that reminds you that your life is not behind you, and your best chapters are absolutely still ahead.

What’s Ahead in this Post

In the next sections, we’re going to look at five daily habits that quietly change everything, the habits that give you more strength, more clarity, and more ease in your body and your life.

You’ll discover how to:

• Treat yourself like someone worth taking care of
• Direct your thoughts and emotions instead of letting them run you
• Release beliefs that hold you back from your next chapter
• Nourish your body in a way that supports energy and vitality
• Build movement into your life so you stay strong, capable, and mobile

These aren’t rigid routines or “perfect-woman habits.” They’re simple, supportive practices you can weave into real life, a full, busy, beautiful life where you matter too.

Start where you are.
Pick one habit or lean into all of them slowly.
Every choice you make in your own favor adds up and the payoff just gets better with time.

You’re not trying to prove yourself anymore. You are building a life that feels good to live.

Let’s begin

Many actions take time to become a habit, anywhere from a month to a year. So, if it takes longer than a few weeks, don’t sweat it, that’s perfectly normal.

Another thing to keep in mind, that the beneficial effects of these habits builds over time. At first they may seem either “sure I should do that, but who has the time?”

Yet, what I’ve discovered over this past decade is that these habits give you more time. Not just more time, but more quality time.

The thing is that most women live reactively to what is going on in their lives. We spend more time putting out fires or trying to keep up, that we lose the time and energy to do the things that nourish us physically, mentally or emotionally.

This always feels like is out of our control and we don’t know what to do to fix it. Usually our solutions involve more work when we try to get more organized or get more help.

Yet, when we tend to our self, many of our problems almost melt away, we find more time, and we enjoy our lives more.

We feel more confident and sure, no matter what is happening around us. This post is going to show you how to become calmer and at the same time more excited and optimistic about life.  

As a bonus, most of my clients feel lighter, more focused, and it shows on their smiling faces!

Let’s dive into these 5 habits that I have used to change my own life and that of my clients and readers.

Treat Yourself Like Someone Worth Taking Care Off

It surprises people when I say this, but one of the most life-changing daily habits you can adopt is accepting yourself exactly as you are right now.

Not the future, thinner, calmer, kinder, more successful version of you. You, today.

Most women live in a constant state of “I’ll love myself when…” and it keeps them stuck. I did this for years. I kept a mental picture of a better version of me and believed I had to earn my own acceptance.

That approach never creates growth. It only creates pressure and disappointment.

Why self-acceptance matters

Self-acceptance is power.

It is not resignation and it is not giving up. It is not pretending you have everything figured out.

Acceptance is loving yourself enough to stop fighting who you are and start supporting who you are becoming.

Growth happens in supportive environments. You know this because you’ve observed it in life.

You do not thrive when someone criticizes, nitpicks, or shames you. Yet many women do exactly that in their own minds every day.

Notice the voice in your head

If you want to make self-acceptance a daily habit, start here:

Pay attention to your thoughts about yourself.

What are you quietly saying in your own mind?
“I always mess up.”
“Nothing works for me.”
“I should be further along by now.”

If someone spoke to your daughter or best friend that way, it would feel cruel. But we normalize it when it is aimed at ourselves.

Those thoughts are not harmless. They shape your emotions, your habits, and even your physical health. Self-rejection creates stress, tension, and exhaustion.

Acceptance gives you the space to grow

When you accept yourself, you enter a different emotional state.

• You eat because you are hungry, not to escape feelings.
• You rest because your body needs it, not because you are defeated.
• You take consistent action because you believe you are worth the effort.

Self-acceptance is the foundation for genuine change.

What happens when You stop fighting yourself

When you drop the self-attack and start showing up with compassion, everything shifts:

• Your body responds better to care
• You have more energy
• You stop numbing and start living
• You find joy again. You act from love instead of pressure

Real change begins the moment you stop rejecting the woman you are today.

A daily practice to try

Each morning ask yourself:

How can I support myself today instead of criticizing myself?

You do not need to earn love. You only need to practice offering it to yourself.

That is the doorway to every transformation you want.

Release Beliefs That Hold You Back From Your Next Chapter

The biggest obstacles women face in midlife aren’t always physical or logistical.
So often, they begin in the mind in quiet beliefs we picked up somewhere along the way and never questioned.

Beliefs like:

• “I don’t have time.”
• “It’s too late for me.”
• “This is just how my life is now.”
• “I’m on a fixed income.”
• “I’ve tried before and failed, so why bother?”

These thoughts might feel factual, but they are often just long-practiced beliefs which simply means stories that quietly close doors before you even try to walk through them.

I was recently in an online group where a woman commented that she wished she could buy a book, but she said she couldn’t because she was on a fixed income. That phrase hit me. Not because of the book but because of the belief inside the words.

In one sentence, she accepted two limits:

• She couldn’t afford what she wanted
• Her income and possibility was fixed forever

(Here’s something fun to try. When you want to buy something like a book or a small course, just commit to making the extra money. When I do this, the money usually comes in within 48 hours. I give myself more time for bigger things)

When you believe something is fixed, you stop exploring, creating, asking, learning, or imagining. The belief becomes a wall. And sometimes that wall becomes resentment, frustration, or hopelessness, not because life is limited, but because the belief is.

I’ve watched this play out for over 30 years working with women. It’s rarely the circumstance that stops us. It’s the belief about the circumstance.

And I say this with so much compassion: Most limiting beliefs don’t feel like beliefs they feel like truth.

But they’re not. They are unconscious instructions to your nervous system about what is possible for you.

The good news?

Beliefs are not permanent. They are not identity. And they are not destiny.

How Do You Shift a Limiting Belief?

Start by noticing when a sentence in your mind shuts something down:

• “I can’t.”
• “I’m not the kind of person who…”
• “This is just the way it is.”

Then get curious instead of critical. Ask yourself:

Is this a fact or a habit of thought?

What else could be true?

What would I do if I believed change was possible?

You don’t need to force positive thinking. You simply need to loosen the grip of the belief that blocks the door.

Even a tiny crack of possibility is enough for momentum to start.

A daily practice to try

When a limiting thought appears, say:

“That’s one way to look at it. What’s another way?”

This one question rewires possibility back into your brain. Over time, you stop defaulting to limitation and start defaulting to opportunity, resilience, and creativity.

Releasing old beliefs isn’t about pretending life is perfect. It’s about making sure your mind isn’t holding your life smaller than your heart knows it could be.

Your next chapter doesn’t come from pushing harder; it comes from believing more is possible for you.

And it is.

Direct Your Thoughts and Emotions Instead of Letting Them Run You

One of the most powerful things my clients discover is this: You are not at the mercy of life. You are creating your life through what you choose to think, feel, and focus on.

My friends, having time to be quiet, to reflect and to ground yourself, isn’t, “oh wouldn’t that be nice.”

Even a few minutes of stillness, reflection, or grounding each day can change the entire tone of your life. This is where clarity happens. This is where you remember who you are and how you want to feel before the world starts pulling at you.

Here’s the key to feeling more in control in your life. I’m going to encourage you to change your mindset from trying to change others and concentrate on yourself: how you feel, what you think, and how you act.

This is the secret to having a life that just feels better, more of the time. Here are three areas that you can get started with. To get the best results, start with any of them and then figure out how the other two can support that.

• Decide how you want to feel
• Decide how you want to think
• Decide how you want to show up

When you choose your emotional state on purpose, your day unfolds differently.

For example, before I meet someone or spend time with family, I decide I want to feel loving and connected.

Then I call those feelings forward. I think about why I love these people and how good connection feels in my body. I let myself experience that energy first.

To help with that, I might spend time thinking of all the reasons I love that person or people and how it feels when I feel connected. I’ll let my body feel how good that feels.

Then I imagine how I would be acting when I’m feeling loving and connected.

This is such a powerful practice.

Years ago, I didn’t do this. I’d go into situations feeling anxious, unsure, or guarded, and my interactions reflected that. The shift came when I stopped waiting to feel good after life delivered something positive and began choosing my state intentionally.

This isn’t pretending or forcing positivity.
It’s emotional leadership.
It’s choosing the tone of your life instead of defaulting to old patterns.

Try this today

Before you walk into a conversation, a room, or a moment that matters, pause and ask:

How do I want to feel right now?
How would I think, speak, and act if I already felt that way?

Then step into that energy.

This one tiny habit will change your interactions, your confidence, and your sense of grounded power and it compounds over time in the most beautiful ways.

Build Movement into Your Life So You Stay Strong, Capable, and Mobile

You probably saw this one coming but stay with me because I want you to think about movement in a new way.

I don’t move my body because I “should.” I move because it makes me feel strong, alive, and connected to myself.

I look for ways to move almost every day. Not out of pressure to look a certain way, but because it is one of the greatest gifts I give to my future self.

For years, the old recommendation was three workouts a week for 30 minutes. If you’re starting from zero, that’s a solid beginning. But for long-term strength, vitality, and independence, especially after 50, your body deserves more support than that.

And let’s talk honestly about weight for a moment.
We were taught to exercise to lose weight. But after midlife, your weight is influenced far more by nutrition and hormones than time on a treadmill.

So why move?

Because exercise becomes the foundation for aging with strength, mobility, energy, and confidence. Because daily movement is one of the daily habits that pays off for life in ways no scale can measure.

Visit any retirement community, and you’ll see what I mean. You can spot the women who nourished their bodies with movement. They walk steadier, smile more, and live with a lightness in their step and spirit.

No matter where you are right now, your body can get stronger, more capable, and more energized, starting today. Intentional movement is how you claim that future.

Five Common Mistakes Women Make With Movement

Not often or long enough

Some movement is always better than none. But as you build strength and stamina, aim to move your body every day.

Not every day needs to be intense. Two or three strength training sessions a week are incredibly powerful for bone health, muscle tone, and longevity.

On the other days, think variety and consistency:

• Walk outside
• Do household movement with intention
• Add short bursts of active minutes throughout your day

Daily movement adds up and your future self will thank you.

Skipping stretch, balance, and mobility

I work out with an online trainer who always includes stretching and mobility. She laughs about how many people leave before the cool-down. I get it, slowing down can feel uncomfortable when you’re used to pushing.

But flexibility, balance, and mobility are not optional in midlife; they are freedom.

Work in at least one session a week dedicated to stretching, mobility, and balance. These workouts will support your posture, joint health, and daily ease.

Not enough variety

Your body thrives on variety. It keeps you strong, flexible, and less prone to injury.

Mix it up:

Strength: weights, bands, Pilates

Cardio: walking, swim, cycle, dance

Flexibility & balance: yoga, barre, mobility

Fun movement: tennis, pickleball, hiking, bowling

Movement doesn’t have to look one way to “count.”

Starting too big and burning out

If you feel inspired to start today, beautiful. Just don’t sprint on day one.

Begin where you are. Try 15 intentional minutes most days of the week. Then build to 30–60 minutes a day of movement that supports you.

Slow growth is sustainable growth.

Forgetting to make it enjoyable

Movement should feel like a gift, not punishment.

When I walk, I often see women who look tense, determined, and miserable, like movement is a chore or test they have to pass. No wonder it doesn’t stick.

Let moving your body feel good.

• Take in your surroundings when you walk
• Choose music or podcasts you love
• Find a pace that feels energizing instead of punishing

“Easy” doesn’t mean ineffective. It means sustainable.
Challenge yourself, yes, but let joy be part of the process.

Find the sweet spot where effort and enjoyment meet. That’s where transformation lives.

The takeaway

Move every day in ways that feel meaningful and supportive. This isn’t because you’re trying to earn your worth but because you’re honoring the body that carries your life forward.

Your movement practice doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be yours.

Nourish Your Body for Energy and Vitality

Food should support your life: your energy, your mood, your hormones, your ability to think clearly and move freely. And yet, most women spend decades trying to figure out what to eat, only to feel more confused, frustrated, and tired.

We’ve been fed endless “expert” advice, conflicting rules, and guilt-based messaging around food and weight. Even the people and institutions we assume would know better… often don’t.

I still remember sitting in the hospital with my mom as they served her a “heart-healthy” meal, full-sugar soda, white bread, pasta, and dessert. No one there was trying to be careless, yet the meal was designed in a way that created inflammation, not healing.

It was a wake-up call: Even well-meaning systems aren’t always guiding us toward true wellness.

And here’s something else many women are realizing: You can follow all the conventional nutrition advice, balanced plates, whole grains, moderate exercise and still feel inflamed, exhausted, or stuck with stubborn weight you cannot explain.

So if you’ve been doing “everything right” and your body still feels off…
You’re not malfunctioning or failing. You’re waking up.

Women deserve better than chasing diets, counting calories, or blaming themselves for biology and systems that don’t support us.

A New Way to Think About Weight and Health

For years, like most women, I believed weight loss was the ultimate goal. “If I could just be thinner, then I’d feel better.” Sound familiar?

But here’s the truth:
Being thin isn’t the same as being healthy.
And chasing weight loss can actually work against real wellness.

When weight loss becomes the focus, many women turn to:

• Low-calorie diets
• Exhausting exercise routines
• Restrictive plans that drain joy and slow metabolism

And yes, these can work temporarily. But they can also lead to muscle loss, bone loss, and rebound weight gain that leaves you even more discouraged.

Most of us have lived that cycle. Hand raised? Me too.

Now when I talk about losing weight, this is what I truly mean:

• Releasing excess fat — not muscle
• Lowering inflammation
• Reducing insulin resistance
• Becoming fat-adapted
• Supporting your hormones and nervous system
• Nourishing your body so you feel alive, not deprived

That kind of change isn’t about shrinking. It’s about strengthening, stabilizing, and supporting your body for the long term.

So where do you start?

Not with punishment.
Not with deprivation.
Not with the next shiny plan.

Start with this intention:

I fuel my body to feel strong, calm, and energized: today and 30 years from now.

Nourishment is a love language to your future self.
And every supportive choice adds up.

We’re not chasing a smaller life; we’re building a stronger one.

Conclusion: Your Future Is Built a Day at a Time

The life you want isn’t built through force, willpower, or perfection.
It’s shaped through small daily habits that pay off again and again: in your health, your confidence, your energy, and your joy.

None of these habits require you to overhaul your life or become a “new woman.” They simply ask you to support the woman you already are, the one who is wise, capable, and ready for more.

Start where you are.
Choose one habit to lean into.
Let it become part of your daily life.

And remember: every time you show up for yourself, you create momentum.
Every supportive choice sends a signal to your brain and body: I matter. My life matters. My future matters.

This is how you age with power, not fear.
This is how you expand instead of shrink.
This is how you build a life that feels deeply good to live.

You don’t need to race, prove, or hustle.
You only need to choose one aligned action, one nourishing decision, one intentional moment at a time.

Your next chapter isn’t waiting for a perfect version of you.
It begins the moment you decide to support yourself today.

And that begins… right now.

The post 5 Daily Habits That Pay Off for Life appeared first on My Think Big Life.

Discover 3 powerful choices women never regret that protect their peace and joy. These are lasting choices that lead to more peace, health, and happiness in midlife and beyond.

By the time you reach midlife, you’ve probably learned that doing more, trying harder, and putting everyone else first doesn’t bring peace or fulfillment. The truth is that at this stage of life calls for a different kind of wisdom, one that values authenticity, rest, and boundaries as much as achievement.

In this post, we’ll explore three powerful choices women over 50 never regret making:

• Being authentic,
• Making yourself a priority, and
• Setting practical boundaries.

Each one of these choices creates lasting change in how you feel, how you show up for others, and how much joy you experience in everyday life. If you’re ready to feel more peaceful, confident, and aligned with who you truly are, this post is for you

These are the choices that make life richer, calmer, and far more meaningful after 50.

After working with women for over six years, I have to say not having these decisions in place can leave you feeling tired, frustrated, and a little (or a lot) let down by life.

As we move through midlife, the things that once seemed so important start to shift. The goals, achievements, and appearances that used to drive us often give way to something deeper, peace of mind, health that supports the life we love, and relationships that truly matter.

Over the years, I’ve noticed there are certain choices women never regret. These are the habits and mindsets that stand the test of time, the things that keep you grounded, content, and proud of the life you’ve created.

Here are five choices women over 50 never regret doing (and a few reminders you might need today).

Be Authentic: You’ll Never Regret Being Yourself

How do you know if you’re being authentic?

You might notice that what you say and do doesn’t quite match what you truly value. Most of us pick up our ways of thinking and living early on often shaped by family, culture, and expectations and by midlife, we assume this is simply who we are.

But you’ll know you’re not being authentic when life starts to feel a little off, like something doesn’t quite fit. It’s an uneasy feeling that can follow you everywhere, even when everything looks “fine” on the outside.

We often trade authenticity for belonging. We wear a kind of mask to blend in with family, friends, or work. But the cost of that mask is high; over time, you begin to feel invisible, disconnected, and quietly drained.

You might notice it showing up as:

• Doing activities you don’t enjoy
• Avoiding things you secretly want to do
• Spending time with people who leave you depleted
• Dressing in ways that don’t express who you are
• Ignoring your real interests or desires
• Going along with choices that don’t feel right

Living like this slowly chokes off your life energy. Instead of feeling passionate and alive, you move through your days on autopilot, wondering why you feel tired or restless for no clear reason.

Here are three ways to start reconnecting with your authentic self:

Notice how your body feels

When you’re not being true to yourself, your body often tells the truth first. You may feel tightness in your chest or discomfort in your gut. These sensations pass quickly, but they’re important signals. Start paying attention and using your body’s feedback as a guide back to yourself.

Acknowledge what you really want

Let yourself imagine the life, choices, and expressions that feel like you. You don’t have to change anything right away; awareness is powerful on its own. Just admitting what feels authentic (and what doesn’t) begins to shift things.

Take small, visible steps

Wear your hair the way you love it. Choose clothes that feel like you. Spend less time with people who drain you. Let go of obligations that no longer light you up. You don’t have to do it all at once, small steps add up and strengthen your confidence.

Becoming authentic is like building a muscle. It can feel uncomfortable at first and even scary to speak your truth, do what you really want, or take care of yourself differently. But with practice, it becomes your natural way of being.

And you’ll never regret being yourself.

Prioritize Yourself Like Someone Who Matters: Because You Do

This is probably one of the most difficult yet most important choices you can make. Put yourself first.

This doesn’t come naturally to most women. We almost masochistically put ourselves behind everyone else in our life.

It’s my belief that this alone is the cause of almost every single problem you have in life.

Now that’s a powerful statement for me to make.

Yet, the women I work with come to me overweight, exhausted and hopeless. They often cannot see any solution to their problems.

That’s because they can’t even imagine not doing everything for everyone.

They want a magical solution where they can feel great about themselves, eat right, get in shape, and do at least a few things they enjoy.

Often they think the right diet will do the trick.

It’s my job to open their eyes to the real problem in their lives. They don’t have time to take care of themselves because they put everyone else first.

So because they overdo for their partners, their work, and their grown children, they don’t have the energy or time to take care of their own health and wellbeing.

How do you know if this is you?

• You feel tired and you look tired.
• You look and feel drained.
• You crave some time for yourself
• You resent the people taking your time
• You desperately wish someone would think about you for once
• You think life would be better if your partner would help out more
• You need your boss to ease up on you and quit piling on the work
• You believe that if you just work a little harder each day, you’ll get caught up

Here’s the thing, you can give and give and still never get caught up. This particular problem, without you being intentional does not resolve itself in a healthy way.

What can you do?

You really can change all of this so that your life feels better. It’s not easy and my clients usually don’t believe it is possible at first.

When I first meet with a client, they often look haggard and exhausted; this literally shows on your face.

But a couple of months later, something changes. Their faces are lighter and relaxed. As my clients change what they believe about themselves and the people around them, they begin to put themselves first.

Putting yourself first does not mean you hurt other people. I actually believe you help other people when you let them do things for themselves. Even in work, those people who you over helped, they become more capable and better employees when you let them figure things out.

My clients who prioritize themselves create better working conditions for themselves as they begin to limit themselves to reasonable workdays.

They become less frustrated with partners and children as they enforce boundaries and protect their time.

Life feels so much better when your make your wellbeing just as important as anyone else’s.

Think about it this way if your goal is to truly help people. When you are overdoing, you deny others the opportunity to grow, stretch, achieve, or learn themselves. I believe that prioritizing others over yourself is not so much about being helpful but is more about your own issues.

I’m not blaming or criticizing you, because I know it is so common. However, instead of hoping someone else will give you permission to take care of yourself; you can just give yourself that permission.

Here’s what I believe with my whole heart. When we take care of and prioritize our own wellbeing; it is good for everyone in our lives.

Here’s how to get started with 3 rules for prioritizing yourself:

• Don’t do things for people that they can do or figure out for themselves.
• Don’t do things for people so they will love or like you more.
• Don’t do things for people because you don’t want to disappoint or let them down.

Here’s some good news. There may be some people that aren’t thrilled with this choice. However, you might be surprised by how many people will appreciate it.

Best of all, as you feel better, you show up with others more intentionally and even more lovingly. By taking care of yourself, you improve your relationships and the work you do.

Make Yourself a Priority Without Guilt or Apology

This is one of the most difficult and yet most important choices you can make: putting yourself first.

For most women, this doesn’t come naturally. We almost masochistically put ourselves behind everyone else in our lives. I believe this alone is at the root of almost every major problem women face.

That’s a bold statement, but after working with hundreds of women, I’ve seen the pattern again and again. They come to me exhausted, overweight, and hopeless. They can’t see a way out because they can’t even imagine not doing everything for everyone else.

They dream of a magical fix: the right diet, the right routine that will somehow help them feel better, look better, and have energy again. But the truth is, their problem isn’t lack of willpower or discipline. It’s that they’ve made everyone else’s needs more important than their own.

They over-give to partners, grown children, friends, and work until there’s nothing left for themselves.

How do you know if this is you?

• You feel constantly tired, inside and out.
• You crave time for yourself but rarely get it.
• You feel resentful of the people taking your time.
• You secretly wish someone would think about you for once.
• You believe if you just worked harder, you’d finally get caught up.

Here’s the truth: you can give and give and still never get caught up. This problem doesn’t solve itself unless you decide to change it intentionally.

The good news? You can change it.

When I first meet a client, she often looks drained, her face shows the weight of constant doing. But after a couple of months, something shifts. Her face softens. Her energy lightens. As she learns to prioritize herself, she begins to look and feel alive again.

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you hurt or neglect others. In fact, it’s the opposite. When you stop doing everything for everyone, you give them the gift of growth. At work, it allows others to step up. At home, it lets partners and children become more capable and responsible.

When my clients begin setting limits, they create healthier workdays, protect their time, and experience less resentment. Life feels better because they feel better.

If your goal is truly to help others, remember this: overdoing denies people the opportunity to grow, stretch, and learn. Prioritizing others over yourself isn’t actually selfless; it’s often rooted in fear, guilt, or the need for approval.

I’m not blaming you; this is how most women are conditioned. But you don’t have to wait for someone else to give you permission to take care of yourself. You can decide right now that you matter.

Here’s what I believe with my whole heart: when women prioritize their own wellbeing, everyone around them benefits.

3 Simple Rules for Prioritizing Yourself

1. Don’t do things for people they can do or figure out for themselves.
2. Don’t do things to make people love or like you more.
3. Don’t do things because you’re afraid of disappointing someone.

Some people might not like this at first but you’ll be surprised how many actually appreciate it.

Best of all, as you feel better, you show up more intentionally and lovingly. When you take care of yourself, your relationships deepen and your work improves. Everyone wins when you make yourself a priority.

In the past, you might have thought prioritizing others was the kind thing to do. However, I hope I’ve encouraged to consider that a different way.

One of the traps you can find yourself in is believing that you have no choice and that is simply not true in many cases.

Have Practical Boundaries That Protect Your Peace

Having boundaries is one of the most misunderstood concepts. Many people confuse boundaries with trying to get someone to change.

Telling someone how to behave is NOT a boundary. Your boundaries are always about how you will act or what you will do.

For example. Let’s go with how someone behaves. Here’s a real life example from someone I worked with. Her uncle would come to family gatherings drink too much, start fights, and in general be a disrupting presence. This went on for years!

Then, one person in the family spoke up and said, “If you act like that again, I will not invite you to my house when I host the next family gathering.” Notice this person did not tell the uncle how he should act, just what he would do if the uncle was disruptive again.

That my friends is a boundary. And that family member followed through and was happy with her boundary. Other people in the family were uncomfortable because they kind of felt bad for the uncle being left out.

However, they really enjoyed the peace and fun at the family gathering.

Trying to change someone looks different. That looks like asking the person to act different and doing a whole lot of hoping that the other person will change.

That would look like asking the uncle to not drink or not start arguments. It might look like getting him to promise to act better the next time. It looks like giving people chance after chance.

Guess which one works better for you?

Boundaries!

Wishing and hoping doesn’t get the job done. They usually just allow the person causing the problem to continue doing the hurtful things for years.

Notice, a boundary doesn’t tell the uncle he has to change at all. It just says, hey if you act like that, I’m not spending time with you.

And you don’t even have to confront the person. You can have the boundary in mind and just follow through. People will get it. Even though it can be difficult to set a boundary, it’s also a very loving thing to do.

Love isn’t letting people act out or disrupt your life. Love means having clear expectations and honoring them. This is good for you, for others, and for the person you set the boundary with.

Four More Everyday Boundary Examples

With adult children

If your grown child consistently drops by unannounced and it disrupts your day, you can say, “I love seeing you, but I need a heads-up before visits. If you stop by without calling, I may not be available to open the door.”

Notice, you’re not telling them what to do; you’re deciding how you’ll respond. I knew a coach who set this boundary with her mother. While it might seem harsh, it actually improved the relationship.

Of course, if you love drop-in visits, this isn’t something you need to set a boundary for. It may be something else. For example, if someone you confide in, share’s your private conversations, your boundary might be to not share any private information with that person. You might still spend time with them, but you won’t consider them a confident anymore.

At work

Work boundaries are a huge problem, especially for my go-getter clients. Because they perform so well, their bosses and coworkers constantly push boundaries.

It never gets better on its own until you set boundaries or leave the job.

If your boss keeps assigning “emergency” projects at 5 p.m., you can say, “I’ll handle this first thing tomorrow morning.” Then pack up and leave on time.

Notice, You’re defining when you’re available and not asking for permission. Of course there may be times when you are willing to stay and that makes sense.

With work boundaries, have boundaries around your own time. One of my clients made plans for the time after work, so she always had something she “had” to do after work.

This allowed her to set the boundary using the crutch of having plans. Eventually, everyone knew what her work hours were and respected that. It just wasn’t an issue anymore.

And here’s an incredible thing. When you have work boundaries and you focus on your actual job and your essential duties; you become an even better employee.

I kid you not, my clients who do set boundaries around their work, end up with raises, bonuses, and even job offers. The ones who don’t, stay miserable.

It may not seem like you have a choice, but you do. You don’t have to change it all at once. But a boundary here and there can change everything.

With friends

Friendships can be one of life’s greatest sources of support and joy but only when they feel balanced and mutual. Many women find that some friendships become one-sided over time. You might have a friend who constantly calls to vent, needs advice, or wants comfort but rarely checks in on you.

If a friend constantly calls to vent for hours, you might say, “I have about 15 minutes to talk right now.” Then stick to that limit. You’re not telling her to stop venting; you’re honoring your energy.

You may also notice that in certain friendships, you’re always the one doing the emotional heavy lifting: initiating contact, listening, and offering encouragement, while your friend contributes little back. Over time, this imbalance can leave you feeling unseen, used, or even resentful.

Here’s the truth: friendships don’t have to end when the balance is off, but they often need a gentle reset. You can start by pulling back slightly on how much you give.

Let her reach out next time. Leave a text unanswered for a bit if you’re tired. Protect your time and attention the same way you would with anyone else in your life.

If you find that the friendship only functions when you’re the caretaker, it may not be the right fit anymore and that’s okay. Some friendships serve a season and letting them fade can make space for new connections that feel mutual and uplifting.

With a Partner

Here’s a tricky but common one. Let’s say your partner refuses to handle simple personal tasks, like putting away clothes, rinsing dishes, or tidying shared spaces.

Your boundary may be as simple as not doing it for them anymore. You’re not demanding change; you’re deciding what you will or won’t do.

For example:

• They can rinse and load their own dishes.
• They can put away their own laundry.
• They can tidy their side of the room or shared spaces.

If you’ve been picking up after someone for years, stopping will feel uncomfortable at first. And yes, your home might look messier for a while. But your job is to manage your own discomfort, not to rescue someone from theirs.

You may have been told, “That’s just how men are,” or “His mother did everything for him.” But that doesn’t mean you need to take on that role. There’s a difference between dividing household tasks fairly and enabling someone’s refusal to take responsibility for themselves.

When you stop over-functioning, the dynamic becomes clearer. Sometimes the relationship grows stronger because respect increases. Other times, you see that the imbalance runs deeper than chores. Either way, you’ve stopped sacrificing your peace to keep the illusion of harmony.

Setting practical boundaries doesn’t make you selfish or difficult. It makes you whole. It allows you to live in truth instead of resentment. And in the long run, that’s better for everyone involved.

Why These Choices Matter More Than Ever After 50

When you look back, you’ll notice that the moments you grew most weren’t from pushing harder or pleasing others, they came from being real, setting limits, and caring for yourself like someone who matters.

Authenticity, self-prioritizing, and healthy boundaries are not small acts. These are revolutionary choices in a world that still tells women to do more, give more, and ask for less.

These choices create more peace, confidence, and freedom and the ripple effect touches everyone around you.

When you live this way, you don’t just improve your own life; you become an example of what’s possible for every woman who sees you.

So today, choose one small way to be more yourself, take care of your needs, or set a boundary that honors your energy.

You’ll never regret it and your future self will thank you.

If You’re Ready to Feel Different, Start Here

You don’t have to overhaul your whole life. Start with one simple step:

• Say no once this week when you’d normally say yes.
• Block off an hour for yourself.
• Notice when something doesn’t feel true and choose differently.

Those small steps are how everything changes.

If you’re tired of trying to make changes that don’t stick, coaching can help you uncover what’s really getting in your way and learn how to create peace, confidence, and health from the inside out.

Schedule your free consult here.You deserve to feel good in your body and your life, not someday, but now

FAQs

What are the most important choices women over 50 can make?

Focusing on authenticity, self-prioritizing, and healthy boundaries helps women over 50 live with more purpose, energy, and confidence.

Is it selfish to put yourself first after 50?

Not at all. Taking care of your own wellbeing helps you show up for others with more patience, energy, and love.

How do I start setting boundaries if it feels uncomfortable?

Start small. Decide what you will or won’t do, follow through once, and notice how much lighter and calmer you feel.

The post 3 Powerful Choices Women Never Regret appeared first on My Think Big Life.

Feeling stuck in midlife? Here are 3 steps you can use to take charge of your life, set boundaries, and start living the way you want to beginning today.

Most women I meet are smart, capable, and deeply committed to everyone around them. Yet underneath all that giving, so many feel tired, frustrated, and quietly stuck. Life seems to be running them instead of the other way around.

Taking charge of your life isn’t about abandoning your responsibilities or becoming selfish; it’s about reclaiming your time, energy, and creative spark so you can live fully, not just function

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Taking charge of your life doesn’t mean dropping your responsibilities or suddenly putting yourself above everyone else. It means reclaiming your time, energy, and creativity so you can show up as the best version of yourself.

In this post, I’m sharing three powerful shifts that will help you take back control. They might feel uncomfortable at first—but they are the exact changes that create more peace, health, and joy in your life.

Why So Many Women Feel Stuck in Midlife

Through working with my clients for the past six years, I’ve learned just how amazing most women are. They are capable, hard-working, and exquisitely caring about other people.

And while they have all these qualities, they are also tired, frustrated, and often feel like life is running them rather than being in charge of their own lives. It feels for many women, like they do and do and they feel emptier and emptier.

At the same time, their health is suffering and often they’ve gained weight that they can’t do anything about. Who has the time? Just tell me what to do.

So here it is. Here are three things you can do to take charge of your life. When you read these, you may be tempted to ignore them. But I want to warn you, that your life will not get better by just hoping it will.

Even my clients that are retired, still find themselves not in charge of their own lives. They tend to add more doing for others to their lives. Or they become obsessed with having the perfect house. Unless you change how you think about yourself and your time, how you feel will not change.

I really wanted to keep this list to three areas that I seeing lacking in women’s lives. When a woman works with me, it’s usually to help with eating or just not feeling good in general. They believe that there problem is their weight or something occurring in their lives.

The Hidden Problem: Lack of Self-Care and Boundaries

10/10 times, it is a lack of self-care and a lack of boundaries that are the real problem.

So, I want to remind you that you are a person too. You have just as much a right to your exquisite self-care as anybody else.

But we forget that. We grow up believing we have to please everyone else all the time. Or else!

Or else we will face disapproval or even ejection from your community in some way.

In addition, I want to remind you that you are now an adult, who has some amount of agency over her own life. Yet, that feeling that it is unsafe to disappoint or let others down lives on within you.

And that right there my friends is the thing that holds almost everyone of you back in some way.

So, I encourage you to read all the way through. Today might not be the day that you take this on but I want to plant the seed of possibility that you can take charge of your life.

In my work, the one thing that divides women who get great results from women that stay stuck is the belief that they can change. That belief doesn’t have to be 100% but even a little tiny bit will help.

Why Taking Charge of Your Life Matters More Than Ever

Here’s the paradox: you’re busy, but you’re still living too small.

You’re working hard, juggling endless responsibilities, but all that effort keeps you from tapping into your best self. Too often, women bury their unique talents under a pile of obligations and “shoulds.”

When you start taking charge, you stop waiting for someone else, your boss, your partner, your kids, to give you permission. You realize the power was always yours. And here’s the bonus: when you show up as the real you, everyone around you benefits too.

I didn’t say you weren’t busy, you aren’t working hard, or that you aren’t doing enough. It’s just that by exhausting yourself on so much, you aren’t bringing your full best self to the world.

What I mean by that is that you are doing lots a helpful and productive things, but you probably haven’t even tapped into the best you have to offer. Women often have amazing qualities and unique skills, but these get buried under all the mundane tasks we take on.

Now, I know, there are times in our lives when we have to be like that. But for the most part, my clients are beyond middle age, kids if they have them are grown, and have established careers or are retired.

Everything I do through coaching is to help my clients feel better and I believe in doing that from the inside out. Often we believe things around us have to change.

The Trap of Waiting for Others to Change

• My boss needs to get me some help
• My partner should be doing more
• My kids are taking advantage of me and should stop

Those really are three of the biggest issues I see. Yet, I know that nothing changes on the outside until we adjust how we are on the inside. We have to start with ourselves to create the conditions we would prefer in our lives.

When you commit to taking charge of your life, you take responsibility for the quality of your life. Yes, of course other people affect your life, but I guarantee you this, you have given other people WAY more power in your life than they deserve or need.

And trust me on this. They don’t just hand it over willingly or just because they finally realize how much you do and surely you need some you-time. Nope that never happens until you decide you deserve it first.

Here’s the good news

Finally, let me give you some good news. When you take charge of your life; everyone’s life gets better. It might seem like it will be worse for others, but when you show up as the real you, you truly improve your relationships.

You may not even realize how much resentment you have or how tired you are. So many of you do not rest until you drop from exhaustion in the evenings.

If you’re running on empty, stay put, and give yourself a chance to live your authentic life. Giving more does not mean doing more. It means the quality of giving more than makes up for the quantity of giving and doing.

You do less but you do better and that is good for everyone. By doing this you give yourself the tine to take care of yourself and also deepen the contribution you make to the world.

How to Begin Taking Charge

Now, let’s dig in here. We’ve already done some of the liminal work by planting the seed that you can do less and do better. By doing that you gain control of your life which allows you to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health.

While some change can happen overnight, most will come incrementally but also be cumulative in nature. It takes time to change but it is well worth it because of all the benefits you get as you go.

Let’s get off that hamster wheel and start living intentionally!

Step 1: Learn to Let People Down (Without Guilt)

This one feels scary, but it is life changing. Women push themselves into exhaustion to avoid disappointing others. We say yes when we’re already stretched thin. We take on “just one more thing” even when our health is suffering.

But here’s the truth: saying no and feeling a few minutes of guilt is far better than saying yes and carrying hours of extra work on your back. When you let go of the need to keep everyone happy, you gain freedom, energy, and even respect.

I’m going to start with what will probably be the most difficult to believe but will be the MOST life-changing: learning to disappoint and let other people down.

What letting people down does not mean

For of all, I want to assure you that this doesn’t mean not doing your job or not being a good partner, parent, child, or friend. It just means being more intentional in what you take on and not being afraid to feel uncomfortable or even guilty when you know someone is disappointed.

I’ll even go so far as to say, we take on way too much because we FEAR disappointing or letting someone else down. We overwork so we don’t even have the change to feel guilty or uncomfortable.

I meet women that are fifty+ pounds overweight, with multiple health problems, and exhausted who will not let other people down.

We’d rather be fat, sick, and tired than let someone else down. You sacrifice your very own life and health, not for others, but to protect yourselves from feeling uncomfortable for a couple of minutes.

Yep, we literally work ourselves into bad health, because we are not willing to feel bad about saying no.

I’ll tell you right here, saying no and feeling uncomfortable for a couple of minutes is WAY better than taking on hours additional duties for the foreseeable future.

Women do that all the time though. We just keep adding and adding until we are so tired and jacked up at the same time that we can’t even get good rest.

Step 2: Make Time for YOU—And Protect It Fiercely

Your schedule will never magically open up. You have to claim space for yourself. That might mean stopping work on time, letting others handle their responsibilities, or blocking out regular breaks in your day.

This isn’t optional. Without intentional rest, you’ll eventually collapse into exhaustion. YOU Time is what keeps you healthy, grounded, and able to keep giving in meaningful ways. Think of it as preventative care for your body and soul.

Take charge of your schedule

Here are some actions that make time for YOU Time. Before you can actually do things that recharge you and make you feel better, you have to open up some time on your schedule.

• Stop work on time
• Do not do other people’s jobs or do things people can do for themselves
• Hire a house cleaner
• Do not take on additional assignments if your schedule is full. Be clear about people’s expectations and what you can do in normal work hours.
• If you share living space with others; expect them to do their share or share in expense of hiring work out.

Yet, how do you get to the place where you can do that? That’s the mindset and emotional work. Your brain might scream or whisper that this feels really unsafe to do.

Or probably more common, is that tricky little thought that says, “Oh well, it’s just easier for me to do it myself.”

It is not easier long-term to do it yourself

We all say that! And it is so damaging in the big picture. Sure, it may be easier in some ways, but after you’ve done that hundreds of times, your schedule is too full. It’s not easier in the long-run.

We might not even realize that. We just know we can’t say no. We can’t take time to eat. We have to try even hard to keep up or maybe even get ahead one day. (Spoiler: That NEVER happens.)

If you are retired or don’t work, you may be wrapped up in taking care of your partner, your home, your kids, your grandkids, your parents, your church, your community, or your home. I see the same thing even in women who don’t work.

You don’t want to let anyone down either.

How to get started making time

First of all, you can decide where you want to make a change. I often have women start with something that makes sense. Deciding to take time away from work to eat lunch if they don’t do that. Since most women I work with want to lose weight, taking time to prepare and eat a good lunch is important and it fits with the overall goal.

While it sounds easy enough, the doing on a daily basis from that moment on is a little more difficult. That means giving up an hour of work. That means getting less done. That means getting even further behind.

The thoughts! The feelings!

However, a beautiful thing can happen. After letting themselves feel bad for taking time to actually eat, they feel a little better. They feel more in charge of their life. Their focus may improve.

The Real Meaning of YOU Time

I believe having YOU Time is essential, not just nice if you can get it. Most women would like it but don’t see the real need for it. If you think like that, let me give you some statistics. Each year women die from preventable lifestyle diseases as well as live with debilitating autoimmune diseases that seriously affect their quality of life.

I once had a client who bragged that she knew how to rest and went on to say that she rested, “when she couldn’t move anymore.” That is not rest my friends! That is exhaustion.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever read was that to have a clean house, you clean before it looks dirty. You dust, vacuum, and wipe up on a regular basis preventing the house from ever being dirty.

Resting on the regular is how we prevent exhaustion and recharge ourselves by doing activities that help us feel better. My favorite way to rest is to lay on the couch and read. I also make time to exercise, meditate, and journal into my day.

Resting can be doing things

Other women prefer other things such as gardening, spending time with pets, going for walks, doing a favorite craft, cooking or baking, or watching tv.

While YOU time is meant to be relaxing, it doesn’t have to be just laying around (though there is nothing wrong with that!) and doing nothing. YOU Time is a time where your body and mind can actually relax and cultivate peace and calm for yourself.

This is a part of taking care of your health. The constant pressure from doing things that keep your nervous system revved up is not good for you. It’s just as bad as overeating and drinking in my opinion, though it’s definitely more socially acceptable.

Step 3: Create Something That’s Uniquely Yours

At your core, you are a creator. Whether it’s writing, gardening, painting, baking, or building something new, creating is how you tap into the energy of life itself. It doesn’t deplete you; it fills you up.

Too many women put their creative dreams on hold because they believe chores or other people’s needs matter more. But when you carve out space to create, you enrich not only your own life, but also the lives of those around you.

I think the best reason to take charge of your life is that you can make room to create. In my opinion being a creator of any kind is life giving. It plugs us into the energy of life.

Creation is our legacy that we leave behind

What do I mean by creating. To me, creating is when we bring something into being that was never here before. We literally make something new and expand the world. And we can do this through any avenue we want.

As a writer, I am daily amazed by what I bring into being. You are sitting there reading these words. Before I typed them into my computer, this exact mix of words did not exist.

Writing used to be intimidating to me as I learned to work with my own creative force. Now it comes much easier and I believe that this time I schedule every day is life-giving. It doesn’t deplete me; it adds to me and to the world.

Creating generates life; it doesn’t take away

Your creations make more for everyone rather than taking away from others.

You may have looked at having time to create as selfish; as something you just do for yourself because you like it. I see women put their creative dreams on hold for years, maybe decades. Why?

Because we value doing menial work for others more than our own creativity. Instead of enriching the world and life itself, we spend our precious time, doing boring, unnecessary, and tedious work that usually enriches others in some way.

Yes, we’re all going to have our share of the stuff we have to do, that we don’t love. However, everything we do doesn’t have to be like that. I can almost guarantee that as you move from doing other’s work to concentrating on your own, while making time to rest and create, you will get better at your actual job.

Those dreams of decorating, designing, crafting, making, writing, or anything else are valid and important ways for you to spend time.

Bringing It All Together: Your Next Step Starts Now

I hope I encouraged you to see that taking charge of your life is good for you and those around you. It isn’t selfish. In fact it is the most giving thing you can do for yourself, the people you care about, and the world.

Taking charge of your life isn’t about throwing everything out the window or suddenly living a completely different way. It’s about recognizing that your time, energy, and gifts are valuable—and you are the one who gets to decide how to use them.

When you learn to let people down, you reclaim your health and sanity. When you carve out YOU Time, you restore your energy and presence. And when you give yourself permission to create, you step into the part of you that was meant to expand, not shrink.

Each of these changes might feel small at first, but together they shift the foundation of your life. They remind you that you’re not here just to keep everyone else comfortable—you’re here to live fully, with strength, joy, and intention.

So ask yourself: which of these three steps will you begin with today? Even one small decision in your favor can be the spark that changes everything.

Taking charge of your life isn’t a dramatic overhaul; it’s a series of intentional choices that put your well-being back on the map. Learning to let people down frees your energy. Protecting your YOU Time restores your spark. Creating brings you alive. Even one small decision in your favor can be the shift that changes everything.

So, which step will you start with today? If you’re ready to stop waiting for life to change and start leading it yourself, let’s talk. Schedule a free consult with me here and take your first intentional step forward.

The post Take Charge of Your Life: 3 Steps Women Can Start Today appeared first on My Think Big Life.

Feeling stuck or low on energy? Learn quick, practical ways to raise your vibe in 10 minutes a day and create more calm, clarity, and joy.

We all have days when life feels heavy, our energy dips, and we just can’t shake that low-vibe feeling. The good news? You don’t have to stay stuck there.

By using a few simple, intentional practices, you can raise your vibe in as little as 10 minutes and feel more clear, calm, and connected. In this post, I’ll show you exactly how to shift your energy quickly so you can get back to feeling like yourself again.

I’ve also included a guided meditation and links to the resources I use to help raise my vibe.

We all have an invisible force that shapes how we feel; it’s our personal energy or our vibe. But when life feels heavy or overwhelming, it’s easy for our energy to dip.

Here’s the good news?

You can raise your vibe in just 10 minutes a day. By using simple, intentional practices, you can shift your energy quickly and start feeling better in no time.

Why Raising Your Vibration Matters

Raising your vibe does not mean trying to always act or feel positive. I think of your raising your vibe though as a way to naturally connect with more of what you want out of life and feel better overall.

• You attract more of what you want in life
• Interactions with others are just easier
• Life is more interesting and fun
• It makes you more attractive
• You make better decisions that benefit you and ultimately others

Let’s explore how easy it can be to raise your vibe and experience the positive effects on your mind, body, and spirit.

You really can raise your vibe in just 10 minutes? Small shifts in your routine can make a world of difference in how you feel. By taking a few intentional actions you can lift your mood, clear your mind, and tap into a more positive state of being.

What is Your Vibration?

Your vibration is your personal energy, essentially, your overall emotional frequency. Think of the people you know: some radiate warmth and positivity, others feel more neutral or even negative.

We all carry an energetic “tone” that influences how we experience life and how others experience us.

This isn’t about being cheerful all the time. Even the most positive people have hard days, and negative people have moments of joy.

What matters is becoming intentional about where you spend most of your emotional energy. When your vibration is higher, you feel better, think more clearly, and take actions that support you.

How Raising Your Vibration Helps You

I like to imagine vibration as a scale with joy and love at the top, heavier emotions like fear or anger further down. It’s normal to move up and down this scale.

The key is knowing that you can influence your place on it.

When your energy is low, everything feels harder. Thoughts spiral, small setbacks feel bigger, and healthy habits become harder to keep up.

But when you intentionally raise your vibration, you shift into a clearer, calmer, more empowered state.

This isn’t about faking positivity. It’s about using simple practices to reset your emotional frequency so you can navigate life with more ease, clarity, and resilience.

Over time, these small shifts compound, helping you build a more grounded and joyful way of being.

Over the years, I have created a tried and true list of activities that help me feel better. The first one I wrote was almost 10 years ago called How to Feel Better Fast.

There is some overlap and some new activities that I’ve added since then. But I’ve relied on these practices for years now and they’ve really helped me create a life that I love.

Some of these practices are part of my daily routine, that’s how important they are. Others I do every week or so. 

I believe that these kinds of practices can improve our physical health, our mental state, and our emotional frequency. 

As you learn to raise your vibe, you may be more motivated to be intentional in creating a higher vibrational state. 

So let’s dive in!

Activities to Raise Your Vibration

Like I said above, these are my tried and true that I’ve been creating and using over the past 10 years. 

You can commit to doing these on a regular basis or you can use as needed. There is no wrong or right way, the only intention is to feel better.

Changing your vibration can be the best medicine at times!

Daily Practices to Raise Your Vibe

Tapping or EFT

Tapping is as important to me as eating healthy and exercising. If you aren’t experienced with it, it might seem weird. However, it’s one of those things that provides measurable results.

Often when you tap, you rate how you feel on a scale of 1 to 10. After tapping, you rate how you feel again. I’ve never tapped and not felt better.

What is unique to EFT is that it begins with stating the problem. You spend some of the time acknowledging that you do feel bad and processing that through gently tapping on acupressure points.

You acknowledge and accept how you feel right now. As you tap, the process moves into statements that help you feel better.

I’ve dabbled for years in EFT but over the past eight months I’ve made it a daily practice. It helps with my focus, sleep, and feeling better in general.

It can be used for almost anything you are experiencing.

My favorite tapper is Brad Yates. He has thousands of free videos on YouTube and I have been very happy with his paid programs.

I have also used The Tapping Solution app. I found it to be a very high quality source for tapping sequences on just about anything you need.

How to tap

Raise your vibe tap

Movement

I love regular exercise and I do many forms of it almost daily. However when I talk about movement in terms of feeling better, I think about it a little different.

Sometimes I use movement to feel better. Just 10 or 15 minutes can really lift my mood. For me, this is usually some kind of fusion workout. The combination of gentle cardio, light strength, and stretch always makes me feel better.

My very favorite is Ellen Barrett. I can always find the right gentle workout to make me feel better. It’s a subscription but you can’t beat the price.

On YouTube I have two favorite channels that I often use as well. These are high quality with great cuing and modifications.

CDornan Fitness

Jessica Smith

Journaling

I wake up most mornings early enough to write in my journal. I use my journal to celebrate my wins, to process my feelings, to create intentional feelings, and sometimes to just write about whatever is on my mind. 

By writing for 10 or 15 minutes, I feel more focused and grounded starting my day. 

When I write, I often see that I have room to feel more than one thing. This morning I woke up feeling bad about myself because I had been being mean to myself in my thoughts.

I buy my favorite journals at Staples but you can also find them on Amazon. They all have great covers. The best price I’ve found is in-store at Staples. But I have bought them from Amazon to get other covers.

I journal a lot!

Silver Lining Composition Book

Here are my favorite pens. They are the best and they are refillable.

Dr. Grip Retractable and Refillable Pen

Practice Gratitude

Practice gratitude by saying thanks for what you already have is a powerful way to raise your energy. It’s so easy to look at what we don’t have and what we wish we had more of.

However, when we really pay attention, our current life is full of things to be grateful for. I often include gratitude in my journaling.

One of the most powerful times of my life was when I did a 30-gratitude experiment. This created a huge turning point in my life.

There are so many ways you can be thankful!

• Mentally say thanks throughout the day
• Write a short gratitude list every day
• Pick you favorite moment from each day before you go to bed, write it down, and put it in a dedicated place such as a jar or pretty box.
• Once a week or so, set the timer for 10 minutes and write everything that you are thankful for in a list.

Rest meditation

This simple activity is one of my daily go-to’s. I use it to calm my nervous system, reset my energy, and heal my body.

It’s a cross between meditation and a nap. It looks like a nap but it’s more intentional than just going to sleep.

The first step is to get comfortable by laying down. I like to lay flat on my bed with a flat pillow. 

First I let my body relax. Sometimes I will guide by body to relax by focusing on different parts and imagining all the stress leaving my body.

I focus on my breath and letting my body feel peaceful. 

If I am using this to aid in healing, then I put my attention on the place in my body that needs a little extra love. I imagine healing energy coming into my body.

This always helps me.

Less Frequent Activities

Guided meditation

I do love a great guided meditation too. You can find these on YouTube. I also created my own a while back. 

For many of us, meditating can be difficult. With guided meditation, your brain has something to do by listening. The guided meditation should allow you to relax and also bring in some positive energy.

Decluttering 

This is another of my favorite ways to raise my vibe. It’s also useful at the same time. 

The process is simple. Find a small area such as a drawer, a cabinet, a table top, or a shelf that you can declutter in 10 or 15 minutes.

• Then pull everything off or out
• Throw away any trash
• If something doesn’t belong there, move it to where it does belong
• Wipe off the surface
• Replace items
• Admire your work!

I find that certain areas tend to get cluttered or messed up over time. Periodically I do this with my sock drawer, my underwear drawer, and all drawers and cabinets in the kitchen or bathroom.

You can also do your refrigerator or freezer. Cars also gather a bunch of junk. 

I believe that when we clean and organize, it helps our brains settle down and we just feel better.

The key here is keep it small and easy. Yes there is a time for big clean ups, but this isn’t it.

Intentional lists

I love lists and I have a few that I keep active.

The one I use the most is my WIN list. Periodically, I will add wins to my list until I have over a hundred.

I am very generous with my definition of wins and include anything that feels good to me whether big or small.

This activity also rewires your brain to look at how you are doing well instead of focusing on what isn’t going as well.

Doing this practice will create some high vibes and can bring great energy into your life.

Another list I keep is my Happy Moments list. Our brains are often on alert for what isn’t working and it’s crucial to remind ourselves every day of the things that make us feel good. 

My third list is where I keep track of synchronicities. 

Synchronicities are meaningful coincidences that seem to happen by chance, but often feel like they’re a little more than that. 

They’re those moments when things line up in just the right way. 

While many people may brush these off as mere coincidences, paying attention to them can be a powerful reminder that you’re in tune with the flow of life. When you notice synchronicities, it’s like getting a little wink from the universe, confirming that you’re on the right path and that things are aligning in your favor.

My most recent one was yesterday when I started writing this post. After writing, I went by a store to browse and I noticed on a wall, huge letters that said Happy Vibes. Then later when I was cleaning out a drawer, I found a business card that a restaurant manager had given me a few months back. It said Good Vibes.

Don’t overthink this one! We get to assign whatever meaning we want to things. The important thing is if it makes you feel better; that’s what is important.

For me, synchronicities are always something that have meaning only for me. As in, if I try to tell people, they probably will not see the big deal.

The other thing though is that synchronicities are very precise and specific. The precise timing is always what amazes me.

Mindful breathing

This is a newer practice for me. Mindful breathing is a practice where you use specific breathing patterns to relax and stay in the present moment. 

It’s a meditation practice in which you are intentional in how you breathe and usually has specific patterns of breath to follow.

Raise Your Vibration

As you can see, it is in the simple things that we can raise our vibes. Spending time in a low vibe isn’t the end of the world, but it feels so much better to raiser your frequency. 

I use these types of activities when I’m in a funk or I’m stuck in a low frequency and I can almost always create a shift into more energy and a better feeling.

And you know what? Feeling better is what it’s all about. Life gives us plenty of reasons to feel bad and we’re going to feel bad at times.

Yet sometimes we need intentional ways to shift out of these feelings, especially when we feel stuck in some way.

When we feel better, we also often do better.

Raising your vibe is all about choosing to feel better in the present moment. Whether it’s through a quick meditation, moving your body, or practicing gratitude, these small shifts can make a huge difference in how you experience life.

The key is consistency: when you raise your vibration regularly, you create a positive feedback loop that brings more joy and energy into your life. So, take a few minutes each day, try some of these practices, and start feeling the difference today!

Raising your vibe isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about learning how to shift your emotional state so you can navigate life with more ease and clarity. Even a few minutes a day can make a powerful difference.

Whether it’s through tapping, journaling, movement, or mindful breathing, these simple practices create a positive ripple effect in every part of your life. The more you raise your vibration, the more grounded, creative, and alive you feel.

If you’re ready to deepen this work and bring more intentional energy into your daily life, I’d love to help. Schedule a free coaching consult here and let’s explore how to make raising your vibe a natural part of your every day.

6. FAQs Section (SEO Booster)

Adding FAQs at the bottom can help with featured snippets and long-tail queries:

FAQs About Raising Your Vibe

Q: What does it mean to “raise your vibe”?
A: “Raising your vibe” means intentionally shifting your emotional and energetic state from low or stagnant energy to a more positive, calm, and empowered state.

Q: How long does it take to raise your vibration?
A: Just 5–10 minutes of intentional practice like tapping, journaling, or mindful movement can make a noticeable difference in how you feel.

Q: Do I have to be positive all the time to raise my vibe?
A: No. Raising your vibe isn’t about forcing positivity. It’s about learning to move through low-energy states with awareness and simple tools.

Q: What’s the fastest way to raise my vibe?
A: One of the quickest methods is tapping (EFT) or mindful breathing. Both help calm your nervous system and bring your focus into the present moment.

Q: How often should I do vibe-raising practices?
A: Daily is ideal, even for a few minutes. But you can also use these practices “as needed” whenever you feel stuck, low, or overwhelmed.

The post How to Raise Your Vibe in 10 Minutes or Less appeared first on My Think Big Life.

Here are 13 affirmations for personal growth. These statements affirm who you were in the past, who you are now, and who you want to be in the future.

Just reading these affirmations will give you a powerful boost in how you feel.

Make Affirmations a Part of Your Day

Affirmations aren’t magic but instead, I like to think of them as a tool we can use to focus our minds and create intentional feelings.

Even though I’m a life coach and went through a year-long intensive training and I’ve worked with my own coaches, I can still feel all the normal things: frustrated, discouraged, and unmotivated.

Affirmations like these can help me recalibrate and remind me that I am more than a temporary feeling.

On days where I feel amazing, affirmations feel like confirmation. The trick is to find affirmations that resonate with you and allow you to feel possibility.

Then you can use them as subtle loving reminders throughout the day.

The only point is to feel better.

But don’t let that fool you into thinking that’s no big deal.

My friend. Just about everything we do is some attempt on our part to feel better. Lots of those ways can end up making us feel worse, such as overeating or overdrinking.

Affirmations can help you feel better. And when we feel better; we do better. Feeling better is always the direction we are heading.

So let’s jump in.

13 Affirmations to Embrace Your Life

In addition to the affirmations, I’ve included some of my thoughts about them. Each of these resonated powerfully with me. My hope is that you will find a few that work for you as well.

We rarely make quantum changes. Change usually happens bit by bit over periods of time. Affirmations can be a little like a road map, give direction whenever you read one.

I am allowed to grow, change, and redefine myself at any age

I am allowed to grow, change, and redefine myself at any age. This belief is probably the foundation for everything I do and achieve.

When I found myself divorced and living in a new city at 52, I knew I was there to LIVE. Not say that I was too old for things.

This was the time that I lost weight, began writing, got a new job, and began that new phase of my life.

Since those early days, I’ve traveled, started two websites and a life coaching business. I became a grandmother.

I grew my hair out, started wearing cuter clothes, and in my opinion began looking younger.

For too long, we’ve convinced ourselves that there is such a thing as “too old.”

That’s made up. It’s never too late to be the person you are meant to be!

I release outdated rules and make choices that nourish me

I release outdated rules and make choices that nourish me.

Some rules make sense and we all agree on them. However, many rules are just made up.

Back in the day, older women cut their hair, didn’t wear sexy clothes, and didn’t wear white before Memorial Day.

Those are so made up!

What rules have you made for yourself that are holding you back from making choices to nourish yourself?

It’s not too late. In fact, I’m just getting started

It’s not too late. In fact, I’m just getting started

Here’s another affirmation that I love. I love the idea that I can feel like I am just getting started and that I don’t have an expiration date.

Yes, I know I’ll die someday. But until that day I want to live, create, and express myself.

For too many decades, I held myself back from starting. Now I start. And even more importantly I do the things that call to me.

I choose energy, purpose, and joy over guilt, shame, and fear

I choose energy, purpose, and joy over guilt, shame, and fear.

I used to be good friends with shame, guilt and fear. They directed and ruled my life at times.

But somehow, after the worst time of my life (my divorce) I rediscovered my energy, purpose, and joy.

Shame, guilt and fear still show up and I acknowledge them; they are old friends. However, I don’t get stuck there anymore.

I let go of perfection and embrace progress

I let go of perfection and embrace progress.

Trying to be perfect just holds you back. Perfection is often a made-up idea. I’ve seen women keep the breaks on their dreams because they can’t make them perfect.

Do it. Do a little every day. Progress is the name of the game. Your perfection, and I mean that in a more spiritual way, will come as you act on your ideas and dreams.

Your idea of perfection is much less that what you are actually capable of.

I am building a life that reflects who I truly am

I am building a life that reflects who I truly am.

Every day when I look around my home, I see a place that is 100% me. It is filled with pieces of my life: past, current and future.

I love seeing the few things I have that my grandmothers or mom created. I love seeing pictures of my family smiling all around me.

My home is filled with things I’ve collected over the years. I even have nods to the future I want scatter about to remind me of where I’m going.

Over the years, I’ve let go of anything in my home that doesn’t make me feel good.

I no longer work at jobs that drain me. I’ve distances myself from people that drain me. I do work that fulfills me and creates a deep sense of satisfaction.

This has been a many years long process. I think we often live lives that don’t really reflect who we really are. Instead we settle for lives based on what others have chosen and we try to fit in.

Comfort is not the goal; growth and vitality are

Comfort is not the goal; growth and vitality are.

Every day I see women who go about their lives without any spark in their eyes or posture. They are living but they are living in the land of their comfort zone.

To be clear, we all need some comfort zone; we aren’t meant to always live on the edge. But to be dedicated to not feeling uncomfortable feelings will slowly but surely kill that spark of life and vitality.

Vitality comes from taking care of your needs and the willingness to feel uncomfortable at times.

Every day, I choose to live instead of just getting by

Every day, I choose to live instead of just getting by.

Sometimes I feel like I am just getting by. Sometimes it’s financially. Sometimes it’s keep up with my house and car. Sometimes it’s my work.

But overall, I try to go about with a spirit of living.

I don’t see problems as a problem. I see them as new channels of growth. When I see others have more of what I want than I do, I let that inspire my dreams.

The idea of “living” is an attitude, a way of being.

I forgive myself for what I didn’t know then. I know better now

I forgive myself for what I didn’t know then. I know better now.

Above, I alluded to guilt and shame. We all walk around with it. And some of you are living your current lives to make up for something you did as a teenager.

It’s time to forgive that younger part of you. She really was doing the best she could at the time.

Forgiving means releasing the guilt and shame and acknowledging that part of you and loving and being kind to her.

You’ve long ago proved yourself and atoned for the past. There is zero upside for holding onto it.

There is power in my story, and I own it fully

There is power in my story, and I own it fully.

I’ve been telling my story for almost 10 years now. When I started, it felt weird telling my story because in my mind, what story did I have to tell?

But what I’ve discovered is that my stories and experience resonate with some women and there is value in that.

In fact, my story has created income and a business. By taking my story and distilling the lessons I’ve learned, I’ve been able to help other women. Not by telling them what they have to do but by showing new possibilities.

What is your story?

Are you the hero? The victim? The villain?

In my experience women often will believe they are just side characters. But you are the main character of your own story.

Often when women feel bad about their past, it’s because of the story they tell themselves about it.

Usually, I see that they have been on their own unique hero’s journey.

Start seeing your story through the lens that you have been the hero. Yes, there have been challenges and you have met them along the way the best you could.

My future excites me more than my past defines me

My future excites me more than my past defines me.

I love this affirmation because it speaks to the possibilities ahead of me. We often hear people say that their best years are behind them.

It doesn’t have to be that way though. The biggest determining factor in how you feel about your life; is the way you decide to feel about your life.

I embrace new experiences with curiosity, not fear

I embrace new experiences with curiosity, not fear

To be honest, I actually face new experiences with plenty of fear. However, I let myself feel that fear and I do my best to comfort myself.

Then I create intentional curiosity to move me along.

Doing new things will naturally create fear and apprehension. But we don’t have to get stuck there as many do.

I see fear keep people stuck for years. Heck, fear kept me in my place for decades.

Now, I don’t see fear as a reason to not do something. It might be a reason to evaluate something and that’s a good thing.

However, sometimes fear just indicates an old outdated way of thinking and it’s time to update your mindset and beliefs?

This season of life is mine—and I will live it boldly

This season of life is mine—and I will live it boldly.

I have to admit, I write boldly. In real life, sometimes I feel anything but bold. But I also believe with my whole heart that this season is mine.

And because of that, I meet it as boldly and bravely as I can.

You don’t have to be bold or brave every minute of the day. However, if you can start thinking boldly about your life and look for times when you are brave; you will begin to feel more confident about this season of your life.

We can’t go back. And we really can’t even predict the future. We can imagine a future and we can do what we can, with what we have to boldly embrace our current season.

How to Use These Affirmations for Embracing Your Life

Pick your favorites and write them out and place them where you can see them. Tuck them into drawers you open daily. Put one on the fridge. Stick one on your desk.

Bookmark this post and come back to it whenever you need a dose of inspiration.

Pick one a week and really focus on it until it feels like your new normal.

Use them as journal prompts and reflect on how they resonate with you.

Or after you finish reading, call it good and know you’ve planted a seed that will bloom.

The post 13 Affirmations for Personal Growth appeared first on My Think Big Life.

Here is some news that is going to be surprising to many of you. Your well-being, mental health, and quality of life depend on the amount of self-care you give yourself. Here is how to make time to take care of yourself.

If you aren’t sure whether this post is for you, try this.

Sit quietly and think about all the things you need to do. Let that go through your head. Not put your attention on your body.

What does it feel like? Use your imagination to scan your body. Do you feel pressure, heaviness, or even squeezing anywhere.

How does your heart area feel? How about your gut. Check in with your neck or chest. Maybe your whole body feels something.

Most women are walking around with a body that feels tense and with some amount of discomfort from the pressure in their lives.

This is NOT a good thing.

For too long, a lot of you put off taking care of yourself until tomorrow and as we all know by now, that tomorrow never comes.

There are always so many other things to do. So, guess who always come last?

YOU!!!

I’ve been working with women as a life coach for over six years now. The thing that surprised me the most about women was how little time they actually spent taking care of themselves.

Now don’t get me wrong. They took care of their appearance, their families, their careers, their co-workers, their communities, and their friends.

However, I soon realized that actually taking time to rest, reflect, daydream, read, or really any kind of true downtime was treated like I was suggesting they go out and rob a bank.

Resting or doing nothing was almost a foreign concept or at least something only a lazy or uncaring women would do.

Why Not Taking Care of Yourself is a Problem

These are some of the common things I see in my practice. What I see are exhausted and/or frustrated women.

Here’s the thing. You all are the hardest, most conscientious people I’ve met. You are doing so much good!

However, that comes with a cost and that cost is coming at your very own expense. This cost comes from your physical, mental, and emotional health.

And it is not going to get better if you don’t address it. Many of my clients have retired from their careers but still find other ways to overwork. 

Learning to take care of yourself is something that has to begin within you. You have to believe that you deserve, absolutely deserve rest and care every single day. 

But let’s look at what is actually going on with many of you.

• Fatigue
• Anxiety levels
• Weight gain
• Trouble sleeping
• Low self-esteem
• Wanting your partner or others to change or take on some of the work
• Feeling like you are in survival mode (you are)

Another completed task or checking something of your to-do list will not fix this. For many of you, there is a belief that if you can just do enough today, you’ll have less to to do tomorrow.

Instead, that darn list just keeps growing and people want more and more from you.

Most of my clients are hardworking, productive women who are also super smart and accomplished. Yet, at some point, often after age 50, they find themselves unable to lose weight, sleep well, or do things that used to bring them joy.

The problem I see the most, is that their current schedule doesn’t include time to truly take care of themselves.

What is Taking Care of Yourself?

So, what do I mean by not having time to take care of yourself? It means that you are intentional and make time for activities that recharge you and allow your body to relax.

Many of you are walking around with so much stress in your body. That stress in your body feels normal, but it is not good for you.

I’ve noticed that there’s usually time to get hair and/or nails done, outside of work and family but not much time for other important things such as:

• Rest
• Exercise
• Meal planning, prep, and cooking
• Eating (eating at desk and in your car don’t count)

To take care of yourself this way takes time, energy, and effort.

Trying to Solve the Wrong Problem

In my practice, many women want help with some form of problem eating. They think the problem is how and what they eat.

So they keep trying to solve that problem. But in truth, if you have some problem eating, it’s usually just a symptom of other things in your life. 

Taking care of yourself means that you don’t over-schedule yourself. You value your time so much, you are very intentional about how you spend it.

Taking care of yourself means you don’t worry about whether people will think you are lazy or selfish. You don’t worry about disappointing or letting down other people. 

Taking care of yourself means that you prioritize doing things that make you feel good and letting go of things that make you feel bad.

I know, I know. I know how bad you want to make everyone happy, well-adjusted, and taken care of. Unless you are caring for actual children or someone who really cannot, let people manage their own lives.

This is going to feel uncomfortable at first but it’s always the best for everyone. Your relationships will be better when you aren’t so resentful.

Because behind your often smiling face is someone who is resentful and frustrated. And only you can change this. 

Not taking time for yourself in so-called nonproductive ways should be a part of your DAILY routine. You read that right. Every single day, you should be unproductive on purpose.

Friends, I know you think you should be productive every waking moment, but that is just not true. That is some old programming that just isn’t working anymore.

We think many of our problems are because of aging and such, but too often I see many problems that are created because we have gone decades without really resting or being intentional about how we use our energy.

Resting and other forms of self-care are not a luxury; they are a necessity.

Ways to Make Time to Take Care of Yourself

Healthy Work-Life Balance

Jobs are important and I believe in doing a good job. However, many of you are doing your job plus a lot of extra.

After years with the same company, you might be working more hours than you want believing you have to.

How do I immediately know when someone is overworking? One, you aren’t taking time to eat lunch away from your desk. Two, you look tired. Three you tell me you don’t have time to meal plan or cook. Four, you don’t have time for activities you used to enjoy. You don’t have time to exercise.

Achieving a healthier work-life balance begins with you taking charge of your schedule.

Block off time to eat and take a break every day. Put it on your schedule and do it, even if you don’t think you have time. Prioritize this time. Do this even if you work at home. Create time for a break and keep to that.

Have a time of day that you are done. Close the computer at a certain time. Make working after that time an exception, not the rule. I know you think doing a little more will help tomorrow. That’s the kind of thinking that keeps you overworking.

Focus on your essential job and don’t take on other people’s work.

This is a process!

You will end up doing an even better job when you focus on you creating a schedule that allows you to do your most focused work.

But really, start with taking time to eat.

If you are working so hard it’s affecting your health, it’s important to address this. When you die, get sick or retire, they are just going to replace you.

If you don’t value your health and wellbeing; no one else will either.

Relaxation

You need rest and relaxation.

Working until you can’t move and collapse is NOT resting! You can rest before you absolutely become exhausted.

Now here’s the fun part. Rest looks different for everyone. For me, it’s a good book on the couch.

For you, it might be:

• Walking or playing with your dog
• Working in your yard or garden
• Taking a leisurely walk
• Going to a workout or yoga class
• Sitting outside
• Working on a craft or hobby

This resting time is good for you. It relaxes your body and mind. You can actually feel your body relax.

Make relaxing a part of your daily life. You will find yourself looking forward to it. It’s not wasted time—it’s essential time.

On your self-care journey, routine rest is a healthy thing.

Set boundaries

This means you know how to say no, let people down, and at times disappoint other people.

Look, you are tired and feeling like crap because you believe that if someone asks you to do things; you need to do that.

You don’t.

The reason you keep doing more than you want is because you don’t want to feel the discomfort of feeling like you are letting someone down.

Seriously, so many of you will take on hours of work or obligation because you can’t stand the thought of feeling like you are letting someone down.

Feeling uncomfortable might last a couple of minutes. Just feel uncomfortable and say no.

What no one tells you is that there is so much relief in being able to say no and be intentional about your own time.

Others may be disappointed. But isn’t that really a them thing?

This isn’t just about a job if you have one. A lot of you have husbands, family, and friends that expect too much of you.

I know, you’ve taught them and let this get out of hand over the years. But it really is best for everyone when you decide what to take on based on your own desires and energy.

Creating the Mindset to Take Care of Yourself

The main thing getting in the way of you taking care of yourself is you very own belief system and mindset.

Every woman I’ve worked with has some kind of belief system that says they need to do their best all the time and for everyone else.

This belief system is so ingrained and strong, it’s really difficult to make changes, even if you really need to rest.

By this time, many of you are dealing with extra weight and health issues. Even that isn’t enough to create change.

So, the beliefs that will help you are this: You deserve to have time to take care of yourself. You deserve rest. Also, other people are capable and able and you don’t have to fix, manage, or control everything.

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’ve hit a wall, it’s time to stop working harder at the wrong things. The truth is you don’t have to change everything to make a difference in your life. By focusing on what truly matters and believing that you can make changes, no matter your age or situation, you open the door to new possibilities.

I help women just like you shift the way they think about themselves, their habits, and their future. It’s not about big, overwhelming changes. It’s about taking small steps that lead to real growth and making intentional choices that move you toward the life you want.

The future is wide open. You have the power to create it; let’s get started together

The post How to Make Time to Take Care of Yourself appeared first on My Think Big Life.

Is perfectionism keeping you stuck? I’ve been there too; feeling like nothing is good enough to share or act on. But here’s the truth: striving for perfection is often the thing that holds us back from making progress.

The good news? Letting go of perfection might just be the secret to creating better results and living a more fulfilling life. Keep reading to discover how embracing progress over perfection can change everything for you!

One of the things that allows me to write and create so much is that I do not aim for perfection. In fact, if I tried to write the perfect thing, I’d probably never get anything done.

If you are procrastinating in some way, maybe it’s time to consider whether some idea of perfection is getting in your way.

What I’m proposing here is that abandoning perfection and embracing imperfection is actually going to create better outcomes and results for you. And that in the end maybe also feel perfect to you.

Over the years, I have met so many women that don’t do the things that call them, because they just can’t get it perfect enough.

In many parts of life, perfection just isn’t necessary; it is a made-up idea in many areas. Yes, I know there are some things that do require precise accuracy.

And honestly, the result of too much perfection can be a little boring. 

When we aim for perfection, we spend more time editing our actions and trying to get it right. We trade authenticity and our true voice for the idea that there is something better out there and we need to figure it out.

Another example, and this is one that held me back. I’ve joined and PAID for an outdoors club THREE times so far. And fear of not looking perfect on a hike or kayaking kept me from doing any activities the previous two times. I’m on to myself now and this time around I’ve got myself signed up to do some things that sound fun.

I see it with food and eating quite a bit. Women will think it’s impossible to eat perfectly and instead of doing what they can, they will just do the “whatever” eating.

So instead of not-quite-perfect eating, many women just eat whatever since they don’t know the perfect thing to do.

Only letting yourself do things perfectly can also be a fear of failing or looking like a beginner.

Now at the beginning of this email I told you that doing things imperfectly may be the best way to create better outcomes or results.

Here’s why.

When you let go of the idea of “perfect” and you do what you can, when you can, and how you can, you start doing more interesting things and your life and spirit expands in ways you can’t predict.

Instead of aiming for something that doesn’t exist, you get to do the things you want to. Just like perfection isn’t a thing, failure isn’t either.

One concept that completely changed my life was not seeing failure as a thing. Sure not everything works out the way I want, when I want, and how I want.

Instead of failure, I simply see it as information or a step in the process. Honestly our so-called failures are no big deal.

I’d even offer that the willingness to fail and the willingness to be imperfect are the secret to a fulfilling and authentic life.

The Hidden Costs of Perfectionism

You might believe that you have to always be as perfect as possible and this sounds so noble. However, always trying to be perfect has some costs to your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

We all know these! They haunt us. We try so hard and try to get it all right. But we spend WAY too much time doing the following.

• Overthinking
• Anxiety
• Negative Self-Talk
• Health Problems
• Feeling Stuck
• Not Feeling Satisfied in Life

The Myth of Perfection

When dealing with your perfectionist tendancies you might think you just have high standards for yourself. You expect the absolute best from yourself.

What could be wrong with that?

Well, first of all, there really isn’t such a thing as perfect. It’s just an idea that can hold you back. 

Somehow, we’ve gotten to the place where we often won’t do things if we can’t do them perfectly. Or even if we do them, we don’t want to share with them. 

What could be worse than other people seeing us as imperfect?

While we tell ourselves we just have really high standards, our avoidance of doing something new or sticking with something or getting something over the finish line, are really the shackles of perfectionism.

We think perfect is a worthy goal. It’s not. It tends to create feelings of shame, indecision, and unrealistic expectations. 

That is no fun!

However, by getting comfortable with work or habits that are good enough, we move through life much easier. 

Progress Over Perfection

I’m a big fan of progress!

Progress is something you can see, touch, and feel. It is solid, compared to perfect which is usually some vague idea in the future.

Often, we lack motivation to start something or share it with others because it’s out of our comfort zone to be unsure of ourselves. 

When you start valuing progress over perfection, then you create movement in your life. 

You don’t have to figure out how to eat perfectly. Just do better in small ways consistently and build on that.

When it comes to getting things done whether it’s a writing project or cleaning out a garage, spending an hour a day until you get it done, is way better than avoiding the whole thing until you have a solid eight hours to work on it. 

In fact, when you allow yourself to do what you can, when you can, you can often get more done in smaller periods of time.

I used to agonize over blog posts for weeks. When I started setting small periods of time to write, I got more efficient and quicker. And because I could capture the ideas I had, more ideas would come.

Letting Go of Perfectionism Can Unlock Your Potential

Trying to be perfect can create unnecessary stress for you. The world is waiting for your best work, not your most perfect work.

In work, sticking to what you feel you can do perfectly can also keep you stuck. I notice many women will get known for being really good at things and then others will start wanting them to do that for them.

Then you are doing even more of that “perfect” thing and this leads to exhaustion.

​Just because you do something well; that doesn’t mean you should keep doing more of it exclusively. Let others do their work imperfectly. 

Then you can allow yourself to take on some things you don’t feel like you can do perfectly. That is where your potential is.

How to Let Go of Perfectionism and Start Living

Here are five practical ways to embrace living with imperfection in your own life. 

Develop tolerance for being uncomfortable

At first it will feel uncomfortable not striving for perfection. Here’s the thing. You were never perfect at anything anyway. The idea that you’ve done something perfect is subjective.

And I’ll add this. Something we think is imperfect may actually end up being the most perfect thing later on.

When we try to orchestrate too much perfection, we may be block ourselves from even better things later.

Strive for consistency instead of perfection

This boils down to keep showing up for yourself. I work with many women who are trying to improve their eating.

The idea of a perfect diet keeps so many women stuck with really poor eating habits. Allowing yourself to be imperfect, allows you to approach your eating in a more realistic and kind way.

If you are attempting to learn something new, showing up for yourself for a period of time every day, will allow you to progress, learn, grow, and of course, get better at the thing.

New things are not meant to be perfect

We’re meant to be better than perfect. What I mean by that is that our idea of perfect may actually be a smaller vision of ourselves than we are really capable of.

Yes, you might be better than perfect!

The tension you feel is normal and okay

Practice self-compassion and self-acceptance

In my experience, women are rarely kind to themselves. In our quest to be perfect, women can be so hard on themselves and push and push to be better.

As you let go of your idea of perfect and just do and be, life can become more relaxed. To get there it’s helpful to practice self-compassion and self-acceptance.

Let others be imperfect too

I know it’s scary to think you might let someone down or disappoint someone. However, trying to live up to the idea of being the perfect woman is exhausting and ultimately you are letting yourself down.

Instead, the things in you that need expressing or taken care of are just as important as everyone else’s.

I think sometimes we want perfection for everyone else to so we overdo for other people.

This looks like overdoing for our grown children, partners, or co-workers. Yes, I know you do so many things well, and maybe you even feel like it’s easier to just do it yourself.

But this keeps so many women from taking care of themselves. You do not have to make everything perfect for everyone else.

Moving from Perfectionism to Living Authentically

When you let go of the idea of living perfectly, you can begin to live more authentically.

By letting yourself and other people be imperfect, you open up more breathing space and time in your own life.

With more breathing space and time, you can take care of your health, your spirit, and your mind. Living imperfectly is good for you because instead of spinning your wheels or overdoing you can concentrate on important things like your own physical, mental, and emotional health.

A perfect home, working a bazillion hours, or trying to help everyone else is NOT worth wrecking your own health.

This might feel difficult to not try to be perfect. But there are adventures, fun, rest, real connection, and creativity on the other side.

See you there!

If you’re ready to stop letting perfectionism hold you back and start embracing the beauty of progress, I’d love to help. Take that first step toward creating the life you truly want, imperfectly perfect, just as you are. Click here to schedule your free consultation with me, and let’s explore how you can move forward with more freedom, authenticity, and joy

The post Is Perfectionism Holding You Back? appeared first on My Think Big Life.

What if the best years of your life weren’t behind you; but are right here, right now?

Too many women quietly decide their best days are over, often long before they’ve truly begun to live for themselves.

But I’m here to tell you: you aren’t too late. In fact, you’re right on time. The truth is, the most vibrant, meaningful, and soul-aligned part of your life can still be ahead.

if you choose to believe it.

Last night I was talking to my 92-year-old mom as she was contemplating an upcoming move. We talked about some of the things she had done in the last 40 years. I told her that it was her example that led me to keep believing that life only gets better and better.

If we allow for that belief. Many women believe and accept that at a certain age, their best years are behind them. I’ve seen women say this in their 30s, 40s, 50’s and of course your 60s.

This post is for you if you want to experience life more fully, feed your soul, and live a life more aligned with your own values. 

In my opinion, our third phase of life can be our most creative, joyful, and loving part of our entire life. And this is up to you to decide. 

I will say, as I often do, that only you get to decide when your best time of life is.

This isn’t about what you have done versus what you are going to do. This is about having the belief that this is absolutely the best time of your life and it’s only going to get better.

I’m turning 63 soon and I believe this more than ever!

Why are Your Best Years Still Ahead of You?

The past is gone. You cannot even get yesterday back. Every day you get a new start. How about deciding to make this the best start to the next stage of life. 

It’s really common to think our younger years are our best; but what is the use of believing that. It only keeps you stuck in worrying about aging and how awful life is going to get. 

Here’s the new belief we’re going to be working on in this post:

The best years of my life are happening right now! 

The reason that the best years are ahead of you, is honestly because they are the only years you have. Even if you have just today, why not make it the best, just as you are.

Most of us have grown up thinking that being older or aging is a bad thing. It’s just a thing, a natural part of life if we are lucky enough to experience it.

For my part, as I approach birthdays as I am doing right now, I decide that this upcoming year is going to be the best year of my life. And it always is!

You Get to Decide

One thing I’ve noticed with many women is that they live reactively much of the time. What I mean by that is that they take life as it comes.

So, to some extent, yes we do have to accept much of life around us, as it comes. People are going to do what they are going to do. Circumstances around us will happen.

And yet, we are not without power. We always have the power to make a decision. This doesn’t mean that life will always go the way we think we want it. but making decisions ahead of time, creates a lot of personal power.

In this case, by deciding ahead of time that this is the best time of your life, you will see everything through this filter. 

You will see life working for you rather than against you.

Maybe you don’t believe that yet, but stick with me. I don’t need to get you to believe this 100% but if I can create a little space for this within you, it can change the quality of your life.

What Happens When You Believe the is the Best Time of Your Life?

Everything that happens in your life begins with a belief. As a simple example, let’s say you are thinking about taking a pottery class. 

When you go into your class with the belief that no matter what, you are going to learn to make a functional piece of pottery, and you’re going to stick with it until you do, what do you think is going to be the outcome?

You’re going to make that piece of pottery! You can literally feel it in that decision.

Now compare that decision to this one. I’m going to take a pottery class and see how it goes.

There is no power in that decision at all. You might have fun. Pottery might come easily to you and you end up making your piece.

Or it might be more difficult than you thought and you give up after a few weeks, never to try again.

Examples of How This Works

Now let’s apply this to believing that this is the best time of your life.

You make this decision: This is going to be the best time of my life, no matter what. 

When you decide something like this as your foundational belief, you start thinking differently. You start viewing life with a long-term view.

Eating healthy makes more sense. You aren’t just trying to lose weight, you are eating so you feel great for the next few decades.

You begin to exercise because you want to be able to do fun, cool, and useful things for as long as possible. 

You treat yourself so much better because this is YOUR TIME. 

Now compare this to the belief: My best years are over and done with. 

With this belief, you have what I call the, “it just doesn’t matter” thought. When you don’t believe that the things you do matter, you don’t stick with the healthy decisions.

Did you hear that. It’s probably the most important sentence in this post. When you don’t really believe something matters, you will not stick with even the good for you things!

Knowing the power of making decisions ahead of time is the secret of a satisfying life. 

Don’t worry, it won’t take the surprises out of life. Life will still be challenging at times. But you will see everything differently and this will help out so much. 

5 Reasons This is the Best Time of Your Life

You’ve gained a lot of wisdom

Life experience is your treasure chest. All of it including the painful parts. Sometimes we feel so sad about past things, we forget to realize that we survived all of it.

We are here and we have gone through a lot and learned a lot. We don’t get wise from a life with no challenges. It is your challenges that have taught you so much.

Everything I have created for the past 10 years is because of my own life’s challenges. I change women’s lives because of the challenges that I worked through.

I literally created a later-in-life career because I had challenges and I worked through them and learned from them. And I documented them as well through my blog and my emails.

You have a chance to walk your own path

This is an amazing part of your life. You have this opportunity to define and walk your own path in life.

Honestly, most of us go into adulthood with all our childhood programming. Over the decades we gain experience and learn more about ourselves and adjust our path accordingly.

If I had accepted that a traditional job was the only way to make a living, I would have missed out on so much! Of course I would have had other experiences and with a decision that this was the best time of my life, I would have welcomed them.

That being said, I love waking up every morning, without an alarm, working part time in conditions that are harmonious, and being creative. This is my own path and I love it so much!

You can discover the most valuable things to you

As I’ve grown older, some of my priorities have changed. Some are the same. As a mom and grandmother, I value my family and prioritize spending time with them when I can.

I also prioritize my own well-being. I believe how I feel is as important as how anyone else feels. I will never put how someone else feels above my own welfare.

If a part of you is shouting out in your head that this is selfish, tell it gently that it isn’t. In fact, when we prioritize our own wellbeing, it is better for everyone in your life.

You can expand your life experience in amazing ways

Earlier this week, I went through some photo prints that I had developed a couple of months ago. I had specifically printed out pictures of all the amazing things I had done in the past decade.

I was amazed seeing how my life had expanded in my 50s and 60s. Yes, there were so many challenges and sometimes I tend to focus on the more difficult parts. But seeing my life in living color, I felt such gratitude for everything that I had experienced  in this time of my life.

In my fifties, I began to travel. I learned to cycle for long distances. I hiked up mountains. I began a business that supports me to this day. I’ve learned so much about people through my coaching work.

My life literally expanded in surprising and mind-blowing ways. And this brings me joy daily.

You discover there are lots of things you can do and you have plenty of time to do them

Many of you don’t do things because you don’t think you have time or that it’s too late.

It’s not. If you have the dream and desire, it’s worth going after. Honestly, there isn’t an age where it’s not good for us to accomplish new and different things.

There is zero upside to telling yourself it’s too late or there isn’t enough time. That is no fun at all. And honestly, I believe that doing aligned things is good for you.

5 Ways to Make This Stage of Life the Best Time of Your Life

Small changes

You don’t have to change everything all at once. In fact, you don’t even have access to what is out there for you. You start with a vision or an idea and make the next logical step.

Or you begin devoting small amounts of time to it. For example, when I started writing it was so difficult feeling for me that I could only do it in small chunks of time. I wrote a post about how 15 minutes a day changed my life.

I still believe that. Even 15 minutes focused in the direction you want to go will make a difference. It can even make a huge difference.

In the early days, I just did what I could to move the needle. Eventually, I gained experience, a body of work, and confidence that led to this being a sustainable way to make a living.

And no kidding, because I started with such a small amount of time where I could focus, I’ve learned to do a lot in small increments of time. This means that I don’t have to commute, I work part-time, and I make more than I made working fulltime with a master’s degree.

​Strong decisions

Making strong decisions give you a path and a filter. You may only be able to see a small part of the path, but that’s really all you need.

Many women will not even start of the path because they can’t see the entire thing. You don’t need to see the entire path. Just a little bit to get started with.

Here’s my hiking analogy. When I hike, I start at a trailhead. This is where we start and from there you can see a bit of the path.

As you start walking, you see more and more of the path as you go. You have to go around a bend to actually see what is around that bend.

But the path is marked and even though you don’t know everything along the way, you know there’s a cool vista at the end.

So, you look forward to the vista but you also enjoy the journey and seeing what is around each corner or at the top of each hill.

Fill your own cup

You gotta take care of yourself. When you spend all your time taking care of others, even grown adults, you often don’t have time to create the time of your life.

I know this sounds harsh but it’s true. Most of you are so busy trying to manage, control, and fix those around you, that you don’t have the bandwidth to even consider making time for yourself.

How do you fill your own cup? Make rest a priority. Spend time every single day doing things you enjoy. Eat the foods you love. Hang out with people you like and enjoy. Say no to things you don’t want to do even if it disappoints people.

Learn the language of your body and heart

Your body and heart have their own languages and really that’s where who you are resides. We usually think WE are our brain. But who we are is so much more than what we think.

Our spirits, body, heart, and soul hold the keys to our own happiness, satisfaction, and sense of meaning. Most of you have ignored your real being for so long she seems like a stranger.

Or you spent so many decades pushing her away, that she seems dangerous somehow.

I promise you this. All the good you crave in life is within you.

Move forward with love and trust

The trust is trusting yourself to do what’s best for you, even when you feel unsure.

Love is the feeling within that you can create no matter what is happening around you.

Love feels different in your body than, say duty. When you do things because you think you should, it’s a totally different vibe than when you do something out of love.

Your body will literally tell you. Love is often described as a sense of lightness, sparkly sensations, or a cozy warmness.

Duty often feels tight, compressed, squeezing, or even painful.

Test this out for yourself. Think of something you love where you have no conflicting feelings such as a beloved pet, a beautiful space, or a particular person.

Now tune into your body. Drop your attention to your body and do a scan for the sensations. Feel your heart. Make note of how love feels in your body.

Now think of something you think you should do but don’t really want to. Again scan your body. Common feelings my clients share are squeezing, pressure, tension, tightness, or burning.

Which one is better for your body?

You don’t just sacrifice your time when you do things out of duty, you are sacrificing your very own wellbeing.

Your Best Years are Ahead of You

I can’t give you back the way you looked when you were young or people you miss. However, I can plant the seed that you can still have an amazing life ahead.

And this starts right now!

You don’t need loads of proof. You don’t need to know exactly how. You don’t even need a solid plan.

All you need is a little belief and the courage to decide it will be.

The post How to Make After 50 the Best Time of Your Life appeared first on My Think Big Life.

Making decisions can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re trying to figure out what’s “right.” We often get stuck in the cycle of worrying about how our choices will affect others, or if we’ll have any regrets.

But what if the key to making the right choice lies in trusting yourself and aligning with your own values? In this post, I’ll share how you can break free from the stress of external expectations and confidently know when you’re on the right path.

By tuning into your true self and prioritizing your own needs, you’ll not only make better decisions for yourself but also create more harmony in your relationships and life overall.

Wondering what the right thing is can keep you stuck for years and that’s not good for you or others. But how do you know you are doing the right thing?

One of my favorite things to do as a life coach is help women figure out if they are doing the right thing.

So first of all, what is the right thing?

The right thing is a term I use to describe a result we want when we are trying to decide on a course of action.

What is Doing the Right Thing?

We want the best possible result possible.

The right thing can mean different things. In a religious sense, doing the right thing might be aligned with our faith community.

Or it might align with our family or community guidelines, unspoken or spoken.

What I believe, is that the only person that matters in a decision, at least at the foundation level, is what aligns with your own values.

Here’s where it gets interesting. You probably have a lot of values that you’ve learned or absorbed over the years. Or maybe you are married and you’ve adopted your partners values.

However, you true self, the you that is aware of it all, has its own values. This part of you only wants to best for you.

But over the years, we have often pushed our own truth to the side. 

So, when I say I love helping women discover their own truth, I love seeing them become lighter, freer, and happier than they have been in years.

Women actually look younger when they are living from their own truth and perspective.

Who Knows What is Right for You?

Let’s face it. We spend a lot of our time trying to even decide what the right thing to do is. In fact, many of you will spend so much time debating on what you should do. We do this because we want to be a good person and have no regrets. 

Now, I don’t even pretend to know the right thing for someone else. Knowing what the right thing to do is always something inside of you.

But we get tripped up, because we worry way too much about what other people are going to think or feel about it. The tension comes from worrying about the perspective of other people.

Most of the anxiety you feel when trying to figure out what to do is because you don’t want to cause anyone else any discomfort. When you are trying to decide on a particular course of action, often we will consider everyone else instead of just focusing on ourselves. 

There are three beliefs that are the foundation to figuring out what the right thing to do in any situation.

• Each person is entitled to feel how they feel. It is not your job to try and manage that
• Whatever you decide, if it is aligned with your heart, you can believe it is the right thing
• When you take action that is aligned with your highest self, it can’t go wrong

So, all that time you spend trying to figure out what’s best for everyone else? Let’s spend it on figuring out what is best for you.

This will not make you a selfish unloving person. I believe that acting out of alignment with your true heart will always be in the best interest of all. 

When you spend most of your time trying to manage how everyone else is going to feel, you will feel exhausted from that effort. The bottom line is that when you act from alignment, you naturally make good choices. 

This is probably a different perspective than you’ve learned in the past. But after years of working with women as a life coach, I am convinced that this way of making the right choice is some of the most important work you can do in the long run.

When you learn to quickly tune into yourself and make strong decisions, life is easier and more joyful. It’s joyful because you act out of love, not just for everyone around you but for yourself as well.

That is a beautiful way to live. It’s beautiful because it is so good for you. 

Remember those times when you decided the right thing to do but you also had a sinking feeling because you knew it wasn’t good for YOU. You get that gut feeling that it feels bad.

It takes courage to consider how things affect you. The secret of a happier life is really in making choices that support you when you are deciding on the right course of action. 

How to Know When You Are Doing the right Thing?

Most of us spend a ton of energy trying to figure out the right thing in every individual decision or course of action.

Instead, you can use one process to always know the right thing to do. This is a simple process but the courage comes from learning to trust yourself.

The cool thing though, is that as you practice this, you will become more confident in following your own counsel. 

So here we go–let’s dive in.

Let People Feel What They Feel

Each person is entitled to feel how they feel and it is not your job to try and manage that. Let me explain.

Think about this. When you are trying to decide on the right thing to do, how much time do you spend thinking about the other people involved. We usually worry about what they will think or feel.

And this thinking about what they will think or feel becomes more important than how you will feel.

But this is not your job. Your job is to decide what is aligned with you. This truly isn’t a conscious decision. It is a decision that is already made in your truest self. You just need to tune into it.

This isn’t how most of us were raised though. We were raised to take everyone else into account, even when it is to our detriment. 

Why is this? Most of us have been raised to put everyone else first. Counter-intuitively, this really isn’t a good thing. We bring out our best and the best in others when we act in alignment with what is best for us as well. 

No matter what you do, other people will have thoughts and opinions. I know how bad you want to manage that. But true freedom and happiness comes from letting other people feel what they feel and think what they think.

When you begin paying more attention to how you feel, and begin feel so much better, it becomes easier to let other people manage their own feelings.

Aligned Feeling Creates Aligned Action

Whatever you decide, if it is aligned with your heart, you can believe it is the right thing

The following might be a new concept for you but most of us are used to crowd-sourcing to get answers when we’re struggling with a dilemma. 

First, we’ll go around in our own heads, then we’ll ask other people for their answers or their opinions. 

The thing is, every opinion another person has is based on their own experiences and context, even if they are an expert.

For example, I have decades of training and experience in mental health. Yet, I still don’t tell people what to do. Well, I try not to but I’m a mom so occasionally I do.

But in general, I believe that we must be aware of our own perception and consciousness to make any type of decision.

This does not mean more thinking! I’m sure you’ve got all your pros and cons. 

Our feelings can hold part of the answer, but we have to go a little deeper.

For example, we might think about what we really want to do and feel some fear. This fear can hold us back. But if we really tune into our bodies, we can also feel some excitement. We might feel our whole bodies saying YES.

So, we can know that while the fear is there, there is also your truth which is that the idea of this thing is exciting. Or you might just know that it is right for you. 

When you can only feel fear or confusion, just stay with that, and feel it in your body. When it’s been felt and the feeling has lessened, you’ll have more access to what is really going on.

Aligned Action is Good Action

When you take action that is aligned with your highest self, you are mostly likely to act in a way that is good for everyone.

Remember back to when we were talking about how everyone is going to feel? Well, trying to always keep everyone else from feeling any discomfort isn’t good for you and it’s not good for them.

One it is manipulative. You try to change how you act, so that they will act in a certain way.

Two, it isn’t really respectful to think you know what is best for anyone else or that they can’t handle some discomfort.

Note here. If you are afraid to upset someone else because of their reaction, that may be a completely other discussing which requires a therapist. 

Here’s a little secret, when you feel confident about what is right for you, most people just accept it, even if they grumble a little.

And honestly, if someone doesn’t want you to think, feel, and be your best, why are they in your life anyway?

But in general, in my work with women, as they begin to consider their own feelings in decisions, it is better for everyone.

When you abdicate your decisions to what makes other people feel better, you usually end up making decisions that don’t feel good to you and then you resent the people that influenced you.

It can be a little scary to prioritize your own feelings because who wants to blame themselves if things go wrong.

But there is actually less chance of things going wrong and it really isn’t that bad to take responsibility for your own decisions. 

In fact, I don’t believe in wrong decisions. We might not always like how they turn out but they always teach us something and usually lead to better decisions later. 

How Do You Know When You are Doing the Right Thing?

You know you are doing the right thing when you can feel the yes in your body. When it feels right and aligned with your values.

Doing the right thing for you can cause others some discomfort and this can create some discomfort for you and that’s okay. It’s not a sign you are doing the right thing. 

There is no guarantee of how anything will turn out but I believe when we think and act in ways that are aligned with our values, we get better results overall.

Finally, it feels incredibly great to have autonomy over our own agency. You learn to trust not only yourself but other people too. When you don’t try to manage or control them, they have room to grow too. 

I love helping women grow into their own agency and truth and one of the first ways they do this is by learning to know when they are doing the right thing.

The post How do you know you are doing the right thing? appeared first on My Think Big Life.

Have you ever wondered why you hold yourself back, even when you know exactly what you want and how to get it? It might feel confusing or even frustrating, but there’s a deeper reason behind it.

What we often call self-sabotage is actually a hidden way we try to protect ourselves emotionally. After years of coaching midlife women, I’ve seen how patterns like procrastination, perfectionism, and self-doubt aren’t signs of weakness; they’re signals.

And when you start to understand them, you can begin to shift them into something much more empowering.

Self-Sabotage is a misguided form of self-love.

When we self-sabotage it is our own way of keeping ourselves safe. It may feel very frustrating when you know you are capable of doing better but you just can’t seem to do that.

For five plus years as a life coach, I’ve worked with midlife women who are often successful and living good lives. Yet, in one or more areas they are often sabotaging themselves and can’t figure out why.

My job is to help them figure out why they are literally holding themselves back from what they want and to teach them how to change those behaviors into behaviors that help them feel better about themselves and make the changes they deeply desire.

Let’s start with talking about what self-sabotage is not.

It is not happening because you are lazy, unmotivated, or a bad person, though those might be the things you are saying to yourself at times.

Self-sabotage is a way you hold yourself back in certain areas because of mostly unconscious beliefs that override your intellectual thoughts.

How many times do you know what you should be doing but just can’t seem to do it.

There is nothing bad about you as a person if you are holding yourself back in some ways. It can feel frustrating, but it’s not because you are a bad person.

However, after a long time of sabotaging your own efforts, you may feel low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in certain areas.

I want to reframe this who subject in a way that can help you take better care of yourself and reduce self-sabotaging behaviors and self-defeating behaviors.

To do this, I’m going to identify some negative thought patterns that are common in many women.

Awareness of these patterns is the first step. Here’s what I know. We never ever just do things to hurt ourselves for the sake of hurting ourselves.

Our behaviors, no matter how counter-intuitive it seems are done for the purpose of helping ourselves somehow and it’s usually a misguided purpose of keep you safe.

When I say safe, I mean emotionally. The thing about our emotions is that while we might be absolutely physically safe, our feelings may be screaming that we aren’t.

How Our Self-Sabotage Keeps Us Safe

I would say that we tend to self-sabotage in ways that keep us from being too visible, too successful, and to keep ourselves from disappointment or future hurt.

Yes, it’s mostly versions of being afraid of success or afraid of failure.

Why would you be afraid of success? It usually comes down to what others will think of us or the fear that we’ll become someone we don’t want to be.

The fear of failure is we don’t want to try something and not do it right, or it will feel too horrible to try and fail.

The 7 Ways We Self-Sabotage Ourselves

To help this make sense to you, I’ve drilled down into the specific ways women self-sabotage. If you see yourself in one or more of these ways, this is really common.

So common, I’d say most of us have some of these issues at least some of the time. So here we go.

1. Procrastination
2. Perfectionism
3. Fear of failure
4. Fear of rejection 
5. ​Self-doubt
6. Negative self-talk
7. Self-criticism

Let’s dig in!

Procrastination

I used to consider myself a procrastinator. It was a part of my identity. Through writing this blog, I had my big AHA that I really wasn’t.

It turned out, there were just a few areas where I procrastinated. Once I realized that, I noticed that in all the women I worked with who thought they were procrastinating.

It becomes much easier to work with your procrastination when you identify exactly the areas where you do procrastinate.

There is no advantage to telling yourself over and over that you are a procrastinator and creating that identity for yourself and treating it as if you have a defect.

You are a great person who has an area or so where you put off doing things. That is so much easier than working with a personality defect!

Perfectionism

Most of the women I work with identify with perfectionism. Many women want to do everything perfect!

That is a lot of pressure to put on yourself all the time.

The cost though is that you end up only doing the things you know you can do perfectly and not doing things you are sure about.

Perfectionism kills dreams

Perfectionism is the killer of dreams. I see so many women not willing to go through the beginner stage to get to proficiency, especially when it comes to their heart’s desires.

Maybe it’s okay to learn and practice something new for work but to do it for a hobby or a creative career, it is not okay.

Instead of putting that imperfect time in, they avoid doing the thing they think they will love because they can’t do it perfect right from the get-go.

Perfectionism is boring

Trying to be perfect leads to a constricted and possibly a boring life! I believe that leading a boring life is bad for your health, your mood, and your overall sense of well-being.

Now to be clear, I’m not talking about creating the facade of an exciting life on social media or doing things that other’s think is exciting. I’m talking about doing things that light you up.

If you don’t do things because you are afraid you won’t do them right or do them perfectly, you may get stuck in a life of doing the predictable and unchanging motions of life.

Perfectionism is fear of failure

You can’t fail if you don’t try. So the best way to not fail is to not start. When you don’t do things because you don’t think you can do them good enough, you are avoiding any chance of failure in that area.

Not failing doesn’t help you at all. Failing over and over is what actually gets you closer to perfection. And that perfection is in the doing and experience.

Fear of Failure

Following on the heels of perfectionism is fear of failure. This fear seems so baked into us that it almost feels dangerous to fail.

When I think about failing, especially publicly, I can feel the fear in my body. It does not feel good.

However, it really is just an emotion. It’s not actually dangerous—it just feels dangerous.

And to avoid that feeling, we will avoid putting ourselves in situations where we might fail.

When we avoid all things where we might fail, we miss out on so many experiences and opportunities to succeed big time.

Yes, you read that right. When you avoid things where you believe you might fail; you also avoid opportunities for huge successes.

Our greatest contributions and successes do not happen when we hide from failing. Our greatest contributions and successes come when we are willing and even welcome the chance to fail.

The more you fail; the more you experience life. And something can seem like a failure until it doesn’t.

Fear of Rejection

No one loves the feeling of rejection. This fear of rejection can also keep us from living up to our potential.

On some level we may crave greater success or more experiences but we are also wired to stay safe within our tribe.

Our tribes are our families, our faith communities, our friends, and our career/work associates.

Anything we do that might make us feel different or that we think might bring the disapproval of one of our tribes, will create some fear in our bodies.

Here’s a real basic example.

Let’s say everyone in your family is a teacher and your family is so proud of its identity as a teaching family. You, however, want to be a race car driver.

No one in your family has ever been a race car driver and you know you will be facing disapproval.

Instead of pursuing your crazy dream, you decide to go to college and get a teaching degree.

As a college advisor I saw this hundreds of times. I now see it in women later in their lives.

We will literally sacrifice our hopes and dreams for ourselves just so we won’t upset other people.

Self-Doubt

So many dreams die on the hill of self-doubt. Of all the self-defeating behaviors on this list, I would say self-doubt is the most toxic and debilitating.

To combat my own self-doubt, I’ve developed my own solution. If I want to do something, I start doing it and commit to keeping at it until I get what I want.

I love being a writer and life coach. Over the years, I worked on believing in myself more than I doubt myself.

This has led to creating a career for myself that I really enjoy and also grow from. By achieving this impossible dream, I’ve become a woman that I am really proud of.

The overcoming of my self-doubt in myself has been the most powerful thing I’ve ever done in my life.

It’s not being a writer and life coach; it is the conquering of my self-doubt.

The next two self-sabotaging behaviors are similar but they have significant differences. Both are ways we hold ourselves back.

Negative Self Talk

Negative self-talk is something most of us practice until someone like me comes along and says stop it.

Negative self-talk includes talking in a negative way about others, yourself, the world, things you don’t like, and any other thing that you view as negative.

Here’s the problem with this. When we use all the negative things around us to blame for why we can’t succeed in some way, we limit our own power.

Now I get that as a woman, taking even more responsibility seems outrageous. We already feel like we’re taking on the responsibility for how everyone around us feels.

But you simply must take responsibility for your negative self-talk and blame of others. It’s so easy to blame others, situations around us, or even our past for how our life is right now.

Your power to change lies 100% in your ability to reduce and limit your negative thoughts.

What do you do instead? You look at how your thoughts and beliefs are either helping you or holding you back.

For example, recently I was talking to a person who blamed their husband for the weight gain. The problem was that the husband wanted to eat late in the evening and this person wanted to eat dinner much earlier.

The negative self-talk was blaming the husband and also other parts of her life for her weight gain.

So, to be clear, yes, the timing and type of meals might very well be contributing to the weight gain.

However, ultimately it is this person’s choice to eat when and what she wants rather than letting it be her husband’s choice. When we look clearly at our negative self-talk, we can see where we have an opportunity to change if we want.

I promise you, behind all your negative self-talk, is all your power to decide and act for your own best interests.

Self-Criticism

Self-criticism is when your negative self-talk is aimed squarely at yourself. You are the victim of your own hate and disdain.

If you find yourself doing this, you are not alone!

Every single woman I know or have worked with does this at times.

You’re never going to completely eliminate self-criticism but you absolutely can quit believing it. Most of it isn’t true anyway.

We criticize ourselves, in an attempt to make ourselves do better. I suppose at times this has been helpful. However, overall it is self-defeating.

You deserve to be treated with kindness, compassion, and love. And this starts with giving that to yourself.

I promise, you won’t become lazy or selfish, (though I hope that you become more of that, minus the negative connotations), but instead take better care of yourself.

All good change comes from compassion, kindness, and love of yourself.

When I begin working with women, they usually want me to help them feel better about things without having to change those things.

By that I mean, they want a solution that requires them to take better care of themselves, without them actually having to take better care of themselves.

A common example is someone that is busy all day every day, and who correctly says they need more time to exercise.

So the self-critical part will tell them that they are lazy and they need to push harder, give up sleep or rest to get that exercise in.

That’s the part most of us listen to most of the time.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t work well. When we’re exhausted mentally and physically, it’s difficult to add even healthy habits to our day.

So the compassionate, kind, and loving self can look at your current schedule and find that time by cutting back on work hours (most of you give way too much time to work, thoughtlessly), cutting back on time with people you don’t enjoy, and cutting back on chores you hate.

Seriously, don’t listen to that critical part of you that says you have to give more, do more, and be more. She’s just a scared little kid.

When you practice talking to yourself with love, your whole life can change. You and how you feel are just as important as how anyone else feels!

What to Do Instead of Self-Sabotage

In a nutshell, you begin treating yourself as well as you would treat anyone else.

I know, this can bring up some anxiety.

Listen, most women will endure years of self-sacrifice to avoid a few thoughts and emotions. You don’t want to feel like you let someone down or disappoint them in any way.

Here’s the thing. Your very own well-being depends upon you being able to let people down and disappoint them.

You are not responsible for how anyone else feels.

When you know this, that is when your self-sabotage can finally end.

And this is the really cool part. When you love and take care of yourself, it is better for everyone in your life. Your well-being allows you to be your best self in all of your life including partnerships, family, friends, and work.

You’ll get more done in less time. You’ll feel better more of the time. And best of all, you’ll enjoy your relationships even more.

Plus you finally will understand that your self-sabotage isn’t a terminal problem. It’s just something that needs a little course correction.

If you see yourself in any of these situations and want to get help in changing your patterns, click here for a consult to see if working with me could help.

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