Comments on: What to do When a Toxic Person Steals Your Joy

By: Sara

Sara — Fri, 17 Jun 2022 17:40:00 +0000

In reply to Roberta. It's especially difficult when it is close family!

By: Roberta

Roberta — Fri, 20 May 2022 15:35:47 +0000

In reply to Sara.

Your statement about having taken your defenses down and thought things were going well.
Until you sucker-punched. For the umpteenth time.
Hit home with me….I’ve been dealing with my 32yr old son who has been in and out of trouble due to drugs and alcohol. He constantly brings up the past and how he got screwed. Still not owing up to his mistakes. In the heat of the moment he goes as far as to throw me under the bus. (He’s back and forth with that.) One conversation I did nothing wrong. The next, I was a horrible mother. He likes to play the victim card. I have said to him that as long as he keeps playing the victim card, he will always be a victim. No growth, no maturity. That’s obviously not what he wants to hear.
Apparently he likes being miserable. And it is true what they say, “Misery loves company.” He was staying at a homeless shelter in Kansas city, MO. He’s been staying here at my ranch for a little over a month now. At first things seemed to be going well, he’s back to dwelling on his past and striking out at me. Needless to say my fences are back up.

By: Tired

Tired — Fri, 10 May 2019 11:10:40 +0000

My husband is one who steals my joy. It’s difficult to deal with. He only likes to hang out with most friends if I am there, and expects me to be my normal, bubbly, excited self. If I visit with other friends, or if I do any activity without him, it’s constant texts, such as “when will you be done?” or “you are out later than you said you would be, you are a liar” or “*your event/activity* is stupid and I don’t know why you bother”. It’s such a drain. I’m still figuring out how to deal with it. When I stay home all the time like he wants I feel like I’m going stir crazy, and he often ignores me at home unless he wants something. Any thoughts?

By: TG

TG — Thu, 23 Mar 2017 14:33:00 +0000

This spoke volumes to me! I am going through this situation right now! I have been nothing but a good friend to her and supported her. It’s like every time I don’t do something that pertains to her or doesn’t include her, I’m going against her. She acts as if I can’t or don’t have other friends outside of her. Let me give you all a little background. I went on a trip to Las Vegas with two of my best friends last year and she gets mad at me because I didn’t call her while I was on vacation, I mean I was on VACATION! And when I returned she didn’t speak to me for like two months, I just couldn’t believe it! Then she apologizes to me for acting the way she did and so I let it go. It’s like she is obsessive! This last time literally just happened I asked my manager for some time off and my manager was like you never take this much time off and she asked me where I was going and I told her Puerto Rico. I am a very reserved person and I normally keep to myself. Now mind you I haven’t told anyone I was going, but my manager is all excited for me and she tells all my co-workers where I am going (yes I work with this girl) and so when we have a moment alone she makes a comment that “oh you didn’t tell me you were going to Puerto Rico” ( with an attitude) and I was like I literally was just asked to go today and she was like “Well go yal, Im not going to be here anyway”.(Oh by the way she is moving overseas her spouse is Active duty) All she does is brag about when she goes on her cruises and that she is leaving and she can’t wait to leave and no one says anything. But anyway back to the situation, so we leave work for the weekend and I return that Tuesday and let me tell you that was the coldest shoulder I have ever received in my life! She hasn’t spoke to me since and I had to do research to find out why and all I could say NOT THIS AGAIN! I have just decided to let her go and move on. My Joy and my peace of mind are much more important. Now none of my co-workers have spoken to me either and I guess she has gotten to them to and told them some lie, but I could care less and that’s none of my business anymore. I walk into work every day with a smile on my face because I deserve to be happy. Thank you so much for this Sara you have truly confirmed that what I did was best for me!

By: Sara

Sara — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 01:37:02 +0000

In reply to Brooke.

Brooke, it’s difficult when it is someone close to us, is toxic to us. Just try to keep your actions clean and authentic and don’t over think hers. It’s great that you want it to be good–but you can’t always control that. But hold that space for her–while taking care of yourself–you never know. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience.

By: Brooke

Brooke — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 19:38:57 +0000

Thank you for your post. I am going through this with my SIL and its been consuming me…and I dont know how to not let it affect my joy and thoughts. I want to shift my focus onto other things but its been hard. The relationship makes me sad, because its not a good one, like I’d want it to be.

By: Sara

Sara — Tue, 28 Jun 2016 16:38:26 +0000

In reply to Rica@Yoga Mat Monkey. Thanks Rica. This one has been particularly difficult. But by exploring and acknowledging it as honestly as possible, I do feel better. I think one of the hardest things about this, is that these are people that we want a good relationship with but can't seem to make it happen.

By: Rica@Yoga Mat Monkey

Rica@Yoga Mat Monkey — Tue, 28 Jun 2016 13:13:42 +0000

I enjoy the phrase, “No one can make you feel bad/inferior without your permission.” And while that’s true to a certain extent, it’s also true that some people have ill intentions and the energy/attitude they bring is unhealthy, even ugly. I like what you said here, and how you are taking back your power by shifting your focus and taking actions that feel essential to your own welfare. You are inspiring!

By: Sara

Sara — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 12:08:34 +0000

In reply to Jen. Thanks Jen. That was an important realization for me because the person I wrote about was not toxic (as far as I know) to everyone in their life. So, it also makes me have to take a look at my side of the relationship. Thank you for the comment!

By: Sara

Sara — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 12:02:06 +0000

In reply to MJ Sherwood. You're welcome! I'm learning too. It is hard to accept, but in acceptance, you are in a much better place to deal with a person. I wish you all the best.